I was the girl who was in the back of class all the time, kids didn’t like me when I was younger. I began to believe that I was out-of-place within the female world, the girls were mean and bossy, and I thought that since I couldn’t be that way, then I’d have to become a boy somehow. When I transferred schools, I decided to cut my hair short, my mother was against it so she told me to try out a wig for a bit. At first, the other kids didn’t really notice, until physical education came along, and I happened to be good. My height difference greatly improved my performance even though it was a hindrance in trying to be a normal girl.
People complimented my playing skills and the guys become friends with me, I fit in for once. The girls in my class even started talking to me! However, I wasn’t seen as a fellow female, I was seen as a boy and for a little while, that was okay. I kept up with the wig, my hair kept getting longer though. My chances at becoming a cute girl started dwindling. My mother never realized that I kept wearing the wig since I left for and returned from school with my normal hair. She never questioned my life at school and when she did, I gave her vague details since she wouldn’t like to hear that I am being a tom boy.
One day after school, I decided to follow some girls into the city since I have never been. I know it is somewhat stalker like of me, but they wouldn’t recognize me since I am with my long hair. It would be too big of a difference, going from messy boyish hair to silky long hair that goes past my waist. I followed them past this club and out of the corner of my eye, I saw this glimpse of long platinum blond hair. The person was tall and as soon as I looked over my shoulder I saw her. She was pretty, her hair was beautiful and silky looking. She was taller than the crowds and she looked confident with her self. I attempted to follow her but the closer I got the more crowded it became. I was almost able to reach her when I looked away for a split second to answer my phone that has been ringing non-stop.
“Where are you!? You have me worried sick! It is near six at night and dinner is done.” She hung up the phone as soon as she finished talking. My mother’s voice distracted me from all the chaos around me pushed my brain to remember the woman I saw. When I looked up, she was nowhere to be seen. All around me were the same looking people and I couldn’t seem to trace down the girls I followed either. Right in front of me was a bright blinking sign for a club that happens to be out of my reach for a girl like me, but I am determined to see that woman again. I grab out a pen and write the place in my calendar, ‘Fly.’ I spin around on my heel and head towards the station to take me home, and I arrive to my house fifteen minutes later.
My mother is waiting outside of the house and when she spots me she storms over and pulls me inside.
“What is your excuse?” She buries her shouts and asks me through gritted teeth.
“I was out with the girls from school.” I apologized profusely and my mother gave in and accepted.
“Well, since it wasn’t that late, it is alright. Just this once. But dear! When your career starts as a model, may I add in the agency that I a became a top model in, you will have to be extremely careful. You can’t do this. You could be injured.” She scolds and I nod because it is useless to defy the will of my mother when it comes to modeling. When I am of age, she can no longer decide my life. She has already forced me to do some shoots with very low profile agencies that are known to not give out any sort of information and personal recognition. The photo shoots are mainly for clothing and modeling items.
My mother sits down at the table and sets out the food. Her watch beeps and she glances at it right when the door pops open and my father struts in.
“Honey! I’m home!” He laughs.
“Did you boys at the office watch that show again? You know I don’t like that line, it got way to cheesy and old-fashioned.” She kisses him hello and when he sees me his eyes light up.
“Hey champ, hows life? Hows sports? Doing anything in Phys ed? Basketball?” He mumbles about his days as a pro player and then mother interjects his questions about my future sports career with living as a model. My parents argument about my future fades into the background as I inhale my dinner and sneak to my bedroom and pass out.
I saw that woman in my dreams, it was only me chasing after her, and I had this feeling of disappointment and shock trailing me. I didn’t quite understand it but when I tried to pry deeper, I woke up to an alarm clock signaling that my peaceful sleep is up and ruined.
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