Okay, here we go again with New Year goals and such… Well I didn’t really make any because I never really accomplish them, so here’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been trying to take care of my health, slowly. I’m doing yoga in the mornings, brushing my teeth, eating all that fun stuff. The one thing that I really need to get under wraps is my mental health. The way I think is not okay, the actions that I express when I don’t think is not okay. I need to set my mind straight on things that aren’t so negative. I’m going to try to get a therapist to talk about all my issues because I don’t want to throw all my self hate and negativity to my beloved boyfriend, that’s not good. I’ve told him this plenty of times, and I have yet to get anything done but that will change soon enough. I don’t really know what is going to happen in the coming year but I plan to really set my motivation straight and actually do the things that I want to do and love to do. It’s really hard since I have to rely on myself now and can’t follow the rules and times of school. There is no outside power that is forcing me to do anything. I could just sit on this couch and wither away, I wouldn’t get into trouble for not writing or working out. They only smidge of trouble would be from the dentist for not brushing my teeth, they always get upset!
There are a lot of opportunities out here in the world and I am just sitting by letting it pass. I wonder what I have done before to get anywhere, my boyfriend kind of takes care of everything, he and I are completely different. For some odd reason I never want to get things done right away, I’ll always put it off to the last minute, for example folding clothes. I hate it, but I’ve got do it right? Sooner or later I won’t even be able to tell which are clean and which aren’t. I’ll get this motivation thing down eventually. He likes to actually get things done, I don’t know if it was how he was raised or what. Maybe it was the focus that he has that I don’t.
I’ll figure it out eventually, I just have to get back into it! There’s a lot of things that I need to do or more like want to do. It’s gonna take some time to get things in order and get a schedule going to follow, hopefully I can actually follow through with it and feel a little bit better about myself and my new found motivation. I can’t wait to get to work and hustle then get home and discover more things that need to be done just because. I want to improve my life and way of living and it starts with me and my mind.
There’s a lot of things that I want to do this year, I want to make it to at least 1 festival if not two. I want to deepen my friendships with the people that really matter most and most of all I want to take steps into the unknown and do things that make me nervous and scare me, only if I believe that it will better me in the future. I’ve got a lot to do!