It has been such a long time since I have written anything on here. I’ve been emailing back and forth with my friend in Idaho, so I have still been writing. I sorta gave up on writing everyday, but I think a lot more than I used to. Life is kinda of iffy lately. My brother moved in with his fiancee which and not really okay with that. I don’t really like that there are a shit ton of people here again. I moved out of here in the first place because of that and now its here again. I don’t really like it. I want to get my own place, apartment but I can’t afford it, even with two jobs. Its stupid. I am even looking for a third one. I want to get money, save, pay off bills and be well. I feel held back by it all, and strained. Its nice out pretty much each day, and I am going to be twenty soon. This all sucks.
I wanted my post back here to be positive, but its pretty hard to be positive lately. I often find myself staring into the internets abyss and wonder what I am doing with my life and where am I going to end up. I need to focus on the moment, not the future. I need to start making lists of priorities and doing things that actually mean something, but I need to be happy with it. I love both of my jobs, they both make me happy. One I get stressed at because I get so tired easily and the other feels like it comes so naturally. I need to actually practice what I preach to others-meditation. I get lazy in the morning though. I am going to get back into Yoga for the 4th time, I am going to try hard in my meditation and I am going to write a little bit someday’s. Its just really stressful right now. This sucks, this sucks, this sucks.. this sucks.
OKAY! I’m going to stop being negative right now! You guys are going to witness my change in things. I’ve been feeling negative since Saturday and It is even hurting my part in a relationship. I feel like he doesn’t notice but I do. Any way. Today, I am going to clean like no other. I am going to throw away, sell and do whatever as well. I am going to look for my cat at the two shelters that have pictures of him. I am going to pay my dad money that I owe him and I am going to be happy! I WILL BE HAPPY. I am going to write my story later too. December Never Ends. I am going to work on that remake. I want to. I want to work hard. I want to accomplish things today and go to bed and say, I got stuff done! I want to tell Jimmy that I did so many things and that I feel great. I want to and I will.
Thanks for reading my weird rant that I always have when I don’t post for a while. Its wonderful isn’t it? I am human. I am in a writing block and I am negative and depressing but I am going to change it! You people are awesome, and remember that things are going to change, for a reason. I promise. I don’t know what that reason is, but it will be okay.