Money is a big issue, I understand why it is needed but then I start thinking, do I really understand it? I personally think money is needed to keep order and things in check but then things get over priced and stupid and my thoughts lead all the way back to, why does money have to exist. We can do everything we are doing with out money, money doesn’t make the world go round, money shouldn’t make things easier, money is just an additive and puts people into social classes and then the government says that our social class is what defines us.
I don’t understand it at all, and I should probably stop thinking about it since it isn’t going to change.
On another term of money, I am currently looking for a part time job, or a temporary job so I can get some extra money that I can use on myself or should probably save for my desires, like tattoos, music festivals, travel. I should probably do that. I want to. I have the Note 4 with a rent to own contract and I am actually going to return it because that cuts down a lot of my money, I am also trying to write more articles for Textbroker.com so I can get some more money and also level up my future writing career. Textbroker is pretty awesome, just saying. I am also trying to get my photography known so I can work on that and hopefully become successful in that hobby and eventually pick up some gigs to travel to different places and write about them while taking photos. I also should save up money for travel writing classes and photography classes.
I do want to go to school, but not at the moment. Currently I want to get to know myself a little bit more so I can be content with who I am the MAJORITY of the time. Right now, I am content a little above half of the time, but I want it to be most of the time. At the minimum, I will allow 1 to 2.5 bad days a month. I want to be happy with myself and know who I am. I know that sometimes but not all the time or most of the time. I want to change that, and I am slowly working on it and when I feel content about things like that, I will feel more comfortable to go to school and focus on work and not stop going because I feel sad and afraid. Do you understand?
One of my 2015 goals is to read more books that I have and try not to buy anymore, since I hardly ever read them. I want to read all the ones that I have not and then I will figure some more things out. I have a lot of books of writing too, so it’ll help me in the long run. I want to make myself become the avid reader that I strive to be.
Now here is something that I have to admit to myself. I’ve always tried to make myself believe that I have no regrets, but that is a flat out lie. I try to live with no regrets, but I regret a lot and I am going to try and let it go, TODAY. I regret doing that things that I did to people I know and cared about. I regret hurting them and being stupid in a way. I regret bitching out a lot of people because I didn’t have my way. I absolutely, 100% regret staying in my own circle. I was never really comfortable with myself and I am trying to be. Back in middle school and highschool, I regret not trying to do anything and being how I was. I regret not attempting to look at the bright side and deciding to get myself out there and not be afraid to fall. I was so afraid that I locked who I was within myself and as I’ve been told, all those things could have happened to me because the other kids were jealous of how I was, and I still don’t believe it. I REGRET not getting a job when I was younger but I don’t regret holding my first job for 3 years, and that could’ve been different if I got a job sooner. I REGRET not saving money. I regret that the most and I regret that I still don’t save money. I need to try. Here is something else, I DO NOT REGRET giving all that I was to my first love, no matter how fast we moved. I learned a lot and loved harder than I have recently during that period of time. I DO NOT REGRET speaking my mind to mother about how I felt and I don’t regret getting kicked out. I do regret how I handled the situation.
All in all, I regret a lot of small things, but the big things.. I find that I don’t regret them. Even though some of them could have been very negative to me later on, it was still an experience that I had and it changed the way I was. I learned and I am still learning. I will never stop learning until I die and that is the biggest thing that I look forward to, learning more and more and becoming a better person that might one day change the world or might one day cause a domino effect on people that I encounter everyday. That is one of the reasons why I love people. I never know who I will help whenever I say “Hello, how are you?” Even if I am in a bad mood, I always try to pry myself out of it and think of others. I am not the only one living on this Earth and I sure as hell won’t stand by to see someone suffering. Even if I can’t do anything for them, I think talking and noticing them and trying to help can help in its own way. Helping people and doing things for others make me feel amazing and it is like my own high, and I absolutely love it. This is why I am a people person. I love seeing others happy and smiling, it makes me happy too.
Writing a Paige 