Everyday

I’ve been writing everyday, in my notebook, or on my Facebook. I’ve been writing, and sadly it has yet to get on my blog. Today is the day though! I will post the things that I’ve written on Facebook, here, after I write a little back story for me.

For many days, I’ve been dealing with sadness and I’ve always hated some part of myself. I am trying to change that, to become the me without a shit ton of baggage. I understand that everyone gets sad, but I am overly sad. Sad to the point where I don’t want to eat, where I can’t sleep, and all I want to do is lay in bed and surf the web for nothing-hoping that I might drift off into la-la land. Well, I am not letting that happen anymore. I used to be content with staying the same, saying that I want help and all, but never getting it because I didn’t really want to. It was my comfort zone and now it is making me uncomfortable. Life in general is uncomfortable but I am trying to make it my new comfort zone and being depressed doesn’t help me.

I met a lot of amazing people over the labor day weekend, and that kind of opened my eyes. I am more eager to find love, even though I keep getting heartbroken by people who fall for, because I fall fast. I’m picky but when I have an interest in someone, I like to know them and get to know them… Anyway, since I met amazing people at the music festival Bushwak, I decided to change for the better. I am changing my outlook on a lot of things and I am trying to find inner peace more actively. I quit my job because it made me very unhappy and I was stressed out to the max. I became ill all the time, excessively tired and so stressed I didn’t have my period for two months and now it’s back and it hurts. That is the second time where stress from my job caused me to lose my period. I’m over it. I loved working bakery and doing all that, but it got stressful later on when I was still trying to master it. Changes made it harder on me, so I left and instantly, I got relief. The next couple days, I got my monthly and I am happy to say that I will be getting back on track with the pursuit of happiness.

I am pushing myself out there. Looking for love, looking for friendship, expanding my horizons and trying to always say yes. I’m going to change my hair as many times as I want to, dye it every color possible, get piercings, and tattoos. I am going to attempt exploration and eventually, I might be able to feel like I am a 19-year-old. Currently, I feel like every corner I take, I am getting one step closer to death, to an eternity of unhappiness. I feel like I am old and tired and that nothing is possible for me. But I’ve been told by someone that I am young. I am beautiful, and I have so much potential for the world that I can’t even fathom it. I believe it. I believe that I am those things, and I am going to do everything in my weak will power to strengthen it up, to make myself happier and to make a future that I can see.

On that note, here are the posts from Facebook.

That’s all of them so far. If you find me on Facebook, you can add me, I have no problem with that. More friends the merrier, and talk to me! I would like to get to know you!