The World

I don’t know what to do lately. I am lost in my own mind and can’t think straight, I feel like I am on the wrong path some days. I don’t know what I am doing or who I want to become. I know what I love to do, but I don’t have the self confidence to think I can do better.

Some days I feel amazing about who I am and who I am becoming, I feel strong willed and even beautiful. I feel amazing, and I love myself, but then it draws back and I feel empty again.

I know I need to keep my mind in the right place, the optimistic place, but it’s hard. I try, but I just don’t have the energy to do it. I feel out of place a lot. My work didn’t help, which is why I quit, and am now looking for a new job. But there is only so much I can do, and I feel like I don’t have freedom anymore. I feel unorganized and like I said, out of place here. I feel the need to be surrounded by friends, and amazing people. I feel the need to get distracted from my mind, or else I will lose myself inside the demons that sometimes take control.

I have my hobbies, but I feel like I can’t focus on them, I’m too unorganized and incomplete to even dream about doing any of it. I have my distractions of my animals, but sometimes they want nothing to do with me. I run out of things to do on the internet. I don’t have a proper desk to do somethings that I want. Like write or draw and attempt and teaching myself things.

I feel… incomplete and unsatisfied.

I keep telling myself that things will get better and everyone has experienced this, but its hard to picture things to make me feel better. I am unhappy. But I am trying to get happier, and this is the reason why I am not very active with this lately.

I will update more, I promise.

One response to “The World”

  1. Hi lovely Paige! :) I know how this feels, have suffered with deep depression all my life. Let me just say this. All I have been reading about you, I see you as a very independent young lady, and how blessed you are in that aspect. I made some very crazy choices and the people I got tangled up with did me no good in life. So, you are on the right path, be true to yourself lady :) Keep your peace whatever that may be to you. Remember you are a child of the universe (Desiderata poem), do what you can, don’t push too hard, and you will find a path for a job that is for you all in due time. *hugs*

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