Last night was pretty emotional for me.  I realized that I’m not head over heels or anything like that.  I’m sad and lonely still,  and I wanted a night where I felt loved.  I didn’t get that and I cried.  I keep thinking,  what am I doing wrong. 
He told me he didn’t want to lead me on, and I was maybe expecting something but not after what I was feeling. I don’t know. I wish we could’ve acted like we were in love or something. I wanted to cuddle,  feel the warmth around me as we slept. I guess not. I didn’t ask if we could make out or anything after he told me that either. It’s partially my fault. But… It was like we were just friends.
Last night after he went up stairs, I cried. I thought about all my failed relationships, and all the people I loved. I thought about how my relationshipsnever last and if they do… well I definitely change that. I feel like people can’t love me and it’s saddening. I don’t know. I’m just emotional like I always. I end up like this pretty much daily.

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