What I’ve done

It’s 1 am here. I was going to go to bed earlier, but I couldn’t. I don’t get a lot of sleep lately. Too many things on my mind, I guess. I’m going on a trip on the 17th I believe, and it’ll be fun-I hope. One week on a house boat in Minnesota! With some people I know and don’t know. I wonder what I will do with all that free time away from work. I wonder if we will go to mall of america. 

I have a huge crush on this guy, I bet nothing will go down that rode. He doesn’t plan on staying here long, so I guess relationships are out of the question, even though some fun happened between him and I. I can handle it, I’m used to being with just me, myself, and I. It is better that way, sometimes. 

I have all day, until 4 PM tomorrow. I might right some more, no I will write some more. I will upload more on to my December Never Ends, and my other novels in the making. I haven’t been writing much lately, but it’s nice to take a break from projects. My mind gets a beautiful start. I plan on writing everyday on that trip. It should(well I hope) be beautiful and relaxing. I also plan on developing and memorizing a perfect yoga routine that I want. I will do that there as well. I need to save up on 200 bucks for the trip or else I can’t go, and I so want to go. I need to. I have to. It’s like, that trip would be a getaway from my mind in Iowa, maybe I can sort out all of my thoughts there, and live. Maybe I can decide what I really want to do. Maybe I will find myself even more. 

I’m a pretty emotional person, and I am also a negative, yet sometimes positive person. I talk too much and spill too much about my personal life. I shouldn’t do that, but I do. It’s just outrageous, I still can’t believe it’s happening, here’s the gist! It’s me, my mother, and my brother. My mom and father are married by Common Law Marriage(its on paper and everything). My father lives with his mistress, who happens to live in our house. So it’s all of us together. My mother and Holly(dad’s girlfriend) Don’t like each other. My brother doesn’t care for the whole situation and, I am kinda stuck in the middle. I want to get along with everyone, but my mom doesn’t want me to talk to her… What’s even worse(and off topic) I tell my mom about how my day goes and what I do… She keeps telling me that I am ‘so like her,’ and that makes me go crazy. I don’t want to be like her. I feel like am NOT her. It’s making me irritated. I am similar, but I am me. I am my own person and if I say I am not like my mother, well I am not like my mother. I am not like her at all. 

You know, I get really lonely easily. I just have dreams, where I am holding this person, and I am sensual and seductive and sweet and caring, and a whole lot of other things. I feel so calm when I can feel someone with me and know they aren’t leaving, but I can’t feel like that anymore. I don’t really have anyone that I connect with and feel that way with, all the people I did feel that way with left and or ‘fell out of love’ with me. I just want to touch someone like how I want to be touched, and that’s what I do. If I rub someones back, I want that done to me. Everything I do, I want done. 

Anyway, on the other hand, on a different topic, I got off of work at 830 today. It was tiring, and on another hand. I threw my phone in the washer with all my bed sheets, so I got an old phone that is the same model but the buttons are broken. That’s all I have for updates. I need to sleep. Goodnight.

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