Feelings

I am going to delete my Twitter account. I don’t really use it. It’s boring and useless.

On Tumblr, my friend was talking about herself in a bad light, and I know how that feels. Thanks to my passions, I have discovered myself and I am seriously… different. These are the words I told her,

“A*name shortened*, you are beautiful, just like everyone else. Don’t hurt yourself with words or actions. If that boy doesn’t like you, he isn’t worth your time. If that boy thinks every reason that you’re thinking, he isn’t a man, and he definitely isn’t your ‘boyfriend material.’ You are not meant to be alone, no one is meant to be alone, I know it’s hard, I’ve been there. If you need to rant or anything, I’ll listen. You will find someone someday, but remember. You don’t need anyone but yourself. Smile.”

I think those are the most accurate words I’ve ever told someone. I discovered it myself. I don’t need anyone but myself. I guess I take it to the point where everyone else will hurt me in the end, but I know that is not true. It’s not true because I have friends, and I like my friends and I don’t cut myself off from the world anymore. I want someone precious in my life, but I accept that I must control myself and my emotions before I can develop close and serious ties to people. I’ve learned that from my past serious relationships… They ended to my horrifying belief. I was drowned in sorrow after those break-ups, and I couldn’t get out. I found my way out from my first relationship due to falling in love with someone else, and when that one ended way to soon… I found myself through Yoga. I am still stuck and hurt, but I am getting better. I need to see a therapist, My heart was almost fully healed, then its back to where it was with my first ex. I should be over the second one by now, but I’m not… Honestly I am not. I am the type of lover that becomes attached and loves to my whole extent. Every time when I kept my love in check with someone I truly cared about, I couldn’t date them anymore, every time my love was released, the relationship ended up broken. It’s really sad. It is, and I’m hurt every time. I’m afraid. I am afraid to love for the fear of being broken. I am afraid to be loved for the fear of hurting others.

My words that I said to my friend A, I meant them. I meant them for her and myself. Sometimes, I want others to tell me what I tell them. I want to cry and be told things that I know, but I haven’t cried. I haven’t, and I won’t cry if I can help it. I will be happy. It takes time and perseverance, but I will do it.