Life

Here We Go Again

Ah! New Years~ Wonderful, right? Near the end of winter break for me, tomorrow is my last day to relax and not go to school. I will miss it, but I guess I should relish every moment of my last year of High School-even if I don’t want to wake up early and walk out in the bitter cold. I haven’t exactly set my resolutions yet, but I do know that I will work harder to become a better person that I am satisfied with. I will change for myself alone! So that means I have a lot of work ahead of me.

  • I need to work out because I get stressed easily and I don’t like eating my headaches away.
  • I need to make time for homework, work out time, relaxation, boyfriend time, and everything else. (I don’t really have to worry about friends because I almost never hang out with them outside of school.)
  • I want to try different brands of things for beauty and hygiene.
  • Save money!! (I will suck at this one)
  • Try to not be pessimistic. (I don’t want to complain and I want to try to focus on the good things and not get into arguments.)

That’s all so far. I want to check back with my post last year and see if I accomplished any of them. I don’t even remember them! That’s so bad!

Here is the previous set of resolutions:

What is my New Years Resolution?
*I want to love, care, think, and take into consideration of my boyfriends feelings.
*I want to be closer with my family.
*I want to spend less time dawdling on the computer, and actually do something.
*I want to make and keep friends.
*I want to try to fix broken or hurt friendships.
*I want to write, draw, sing, and do more things that I like to do.
*I want to change how I do things.

The first one failed at first due to relationship issues with my ex, but now I believe that resolution has been accomplished with my current boyfriend. Before I would always keep in my feelings and I never thought about the other person that was involved in the relationship, but now it is so different. I have changed in the relationship, and I have learned from my mistakes. I have also gained insight(unexpectedly gained insight) of what went wrong with my ex, from some people who knew both of us. I guess it helped a lot, but compared to what I was feeling last New Year, I have changed so much already. It’s a long and complicated explanation-I might get into it some other time.

I have actually gotten closer to my family, than gotten farther, then back again. My mother and I used to be horribly distant, and my father and I used to be so close. Everything changed little by little, then eventually a lot. Thanks to my father’s mistress moving in, my family split apart. Technically by law they are married but, not like it matters anymore. We aren’t a family. Each of my parents have had their affairs, though recently my mother has finally gotten the guts to move on – it stirred up some ridiculously idiotic emotions in my father(who isn’t related by blood) and caused him to feel like he owns my mother. But that is an even more frustrating and complicated story for another day. Anyway, my relationship with my father started out as hostile and hurt, then angry and now it is like it used to be… but I don’t hang out with just him anymore. It’s usually him and his mistress, and it honestly doesn’t sit well with me still. My mother and I have a relationship that is way better than my relationship with my father was. I can tell my mom anything and everything-if I wanted to and sometimes I do. However she still gets on my nerves a lot, and it is hard to handle her moods and emotions.

I have spent even more time dawdling over the school year, than I did last year. Although the summer wasn’t as bad as it was over 2009, I never left. I actually had to work so, I couldn’t do whatever. I do read a lot, so whatever. But trust me-it isn’t the kind of reading everyone thinks about. I like manga. Not that’s an understatement. I love it. And currently I am in love with a lot of it and I am typing this because I want to put up a post on the first day of the year and I am not going to put it off. I will however put off exercising till tomorrow. My stomach hurts. Oh I love excuses.

I haven’t really made-never mind I made some, very few friends. I have kept some old ones. I have broke off ties with a couple. It happens, you can’t always get along with people-especially when some people change everyday. It happens, but as long as I can count on a few people then I am genuinely satisfied.

I didn’t fix hurt or broken friendships. Well I fixed the on that really hurt myself and others, but we aren’t as close and we don’t even talk. If anything I have had the fair share of making and breaking friendships that it is like I didn’t move at all.

I didn’t draw more, I write more, and I don’t really sing any differently. I don’t know. I feel like I should push my hobbies so, when I get the urge to do any of them, I just do. I guess that is progress.

I have changed myself. It is impossible not to. That is all I have to say.

Happy New Year and keep up the resolutions! Reflecting on them helps!

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3 thoughts on “Here We Go Again

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