Looking Back

If you could see yourself a year ago, what would you do?

I would look at myself, then look at her and hug her. I would tell her that she will experience a great love, and a great heart break. Then I would tell her, “don’t worry, it’ll get better. Don’t beat yourself up over the past and look to the future.” 

Now, look where I am now?

I believe I am pretty happy right now. It’s a good thing too.

I know what I have done in my past relationships, and I have decided to do something different, or at least try. I try to do things that I am nervous about, but I need to do it slowly. 

I am not used to all these compliments, I don’t know how to reply. It seems like this relationship makes me feel… new and awkward-like? I don’t know how to explain it. It’s kind of new, but not that new. It’s a new person, who is completely amazing and different compared to other. It’s a good thing, that’s what I know.

I want to open up, and not be so selfish and anti-social. It’s hard to jump out of my comfort zone, but I guess, if I want to do it. I will. I will try my hardest to not be a hermit. 

With my ex, I would openly refuse to listen to some music or watch music, I guess because I was afraid of him being right-that I would like it-and then rubbing it in my face. He never did, and I never let him. However, that relationship failed because of other things.

With this relationship, I am slowly trying to open up and not be so nervous about somethings. I just need some time and pressure. Hehe. 

I can be easily persuaded, depending on the persuader. I want to change, but I guess I need a bigger reason than just ‘for myself.’ 

~

*Change of topic* 

This month is October! It’s almost over. I wrote in my agenwal, under the page that read ‘year planned out in months,’ under October, I wrote finish December Never Ends. I will try to succeed in typing it up. I do not work tomorrow and I won’t be with the man for that long because he works, so I will type that night. As well as do some homework-if i have any. I am very bad at keeping a schedule, so if I can succeed in this, then that would be another amazing accomplishment for me! 

I also have to reread and type more to my other story. I think I make buy a notebook and copy down everything from Free Falling and write my book during classes like I did with December Never Ends. 

Either way, thanks for reading. Sorry for not posting as much as I have. I’ll catch you later!