The summer is coming to an end, and my last year of high school will be right around the corner. I need to get a lot of things set out straight before the 15th; my sleeping schedule is wacko, and my room is a mess. I have a lot of bad faults that have gained over the summer, which is mostly my wish to do things but my strive for not doing it. I blame it on the insane heat.
For some reason, I feel like when school starts that it is a ‘new year’ in itself, besides January 1st being the real one. They way I see it, the time from when I start school then reaching to the next time I start school is a year, and it is really, it’s hard to explain. Anyway, a lot of things have happened this year. A lot of good things and a lot of bad things. I experienced love-in so many ways, I experienced a broken heart and a broken mind. I got my first job, I gained new experiences. All of them are thanks to everyone I met and have known and loved. I don’t regret anything really, I don’t want to either. Everything that has happened to me has happened for a reason and I love it, even if I don’t know the reason. High school is a place where drama over things, whether it be big or small, is amplified to the extremes. In this period of time a lot of things happen; you realize your dreams, you experience love and heart break. You learn new things that you haven’t learned. You cry, you break. You want to scream. You experience friendship and companionship. You have learned so much, and now it may seem to be all the sad and disappointing things-but that is because everyone learns from those memories. We always remember those first because we learn from our mistakes and our pain. You will always remember the happiness, it will be in your heart.
I want to learn from everything that I have experienced, of course I know that I will not be the perfect person and these things will take time. I want to do it anyway… I want to accept all of the things that have happened, not run away from them. School is a place where drama occurs, and I was always too open minded, I need to learn from that too. I also need to learn to trust people. I might be seeing a lot of new people here, so I need to learn some new things.
I love all the people who have touched my heart, and wish they would read this. Everyone who has been my dear friend, I owe you a lot. You stuck with me and put up with all of my emotions, but I took it for granted and thought that it would always be there, but with some things… I have learned that it isn’t one sided. I have to think of the other person too and not only myself. I need to listen too. You see, everyone who I have talked to and have or have been friends with are all still important to me. We may not be the closest or we may not even talk, but you are still my friend and I will always be there for my friends, even if they aren’t for me. I’ve been through a lot and so has everyone else, so being able to put someone else’s pain on your shoulders isn’t that easy, I know, but my friends have done it anyway. I thank you. Even to a person that hates me, A. She was my best friend, and I still think of her as that, but a lot of things have happened to us, and I believe that she hates me. I would really like to know why and a part of me wish she didn’t act with me. I want her to be true, but a lot of people aren’t. I know I am not. Anyway, we met when she was a junior. She is beautiful and an amazing person, and so strong. Even though I envied her, I still loved her and tried not to think of those thoughts, eventually somethings happened and those were the only thoughts that crowded my mind. I still don’t understand myself but at a point I was so jealous that I made myself hate her but in reality I wanted to go back to the previous times when we laughed.
Thinking back on the past, and how so many things have changed… it makes me a little sad, but I am actually happy in a way. If these things never happened, well then neither would have this.
A, I hope you read this someday. I know that you hate me, well I heard from my friend when we saw each other at the movie theater. I won’t be forgiven so easily, I know. But knowing that we were such good friends-to me at least, makes me very happy and glad. I am really glad that I met you that day before school!
Another person, who I have had a deep connection with and a person whom I have never met is my dear friend Emily. She is beautiful and witty, to me. She knows my whole story, the good side and the bad side to him. I met her on deviantart, a wonderful website where I met many others too. I have a long distant history with her that is exclusive to the internet(for now). I love her to death, she is my dear sister. Even though she is close to me, she never fails to give me the truth.
Emily, I thank you for being wild and wacky with me through this whole friendship, even the awkward time! You are real and true and I hope one day that I will meet you, and when that happens, I bet we will become even better friends. I am also glad that I have gotten to know more people because of you, and I have also changed because of you. We are connected and have shared very similar experiences and we can share our knowledge and wisdom. I’m very glad that I found you or you found me on dA, and I am very glad that we have discovered this amazing friendship. I love you!
I love all the people in my life, even if I wasn’t always the one to talk about or hang out with, knowing these amazing people were my friends is just amazing and simplistic itself.