Saturday to Monday


It’s Monday morning, almost the afternoon. I am at my friends house, I have been here since Saturday. It is really nice and welcoming, I don’t really want to go home right now, but I know I have to soon. Oh well.

I got a little sick last night… You see I ate too much chocolate, I mean seriously too much. My stomach hurt really bad and I felt like I was going to puke, I never did, but I made myself puke a bit. Then I went out and walked around for 2 hours. I left her house at 11, and I came back at 1 in the morning. I spent that time with someone dear to me though. He helped me get a lot of things off of my mind, I mean really. He gives off the feeling that he doesn’t care about anything that is happening with me, since he says that we are only physically compatible (even though, I do it for the emotional needs), so we never talk about anything. (When I met with him, we did have sex.) I guess that’s what has always happened, and it will never be any different. He is leaving soon, maybe Wednesday. When he’s gone, he is gone. I won’t see him again and I won’t feel whole again. I won’t feel like everything is melting around me and it is just him and I. I hope he reads this sometime… I remember when he did.

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself – George Bernard Shaw

Like this quote says, I shouldn’t be finding myself, like when I am with him… I want to find myself that used to be me. I can’t do that. I have to remake myself, I have to create me. It will be really hard with everything that is going on, but I think everything that is going on will help me. My ex leaving, my parents are separating and divorcing, my father having another women move in. It’s summer. I have a lot and no time at all to create myself. I just have to take it one step at a time, (one page at a time.) <- I just had to use that saying, I love it.

 Feelings come and feelings go. There is no need to fear them and no need to crave them. Let them come, and then let them go. No feeling is your permanent reality, no matter how intense it is.

Why haven’t I found this quote sooner, that is… so true. My feelings for Nick, no matter how intense they are/were, they will eventually leave my heart. Wow, that puts a lot of weight off my shoulders, I felt like I would never love someone again. In reality, I can love again, I just need to let my heart love someone again. Even though it is hard to learn a person and it is scary, I will love someone again, now I just need to convey those feelings to my mother. 

I feel like, a young child (like myself) can shed light into my mothers world. The world she has known has only been my father and she needs to change, I want to show her she can. I just need to find out how. 

I am looking up some random quotes, here are my favorite ones, besides the ones up above.

No matter how far wrong you have gone, you can always turn around.


When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. – Alexander Graham Bell


It’s time to let go. It’ll be okay.


We must let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. – Joseph Campbell


The harder you fall, the higher you bounce.

The ones without any names are unknown authors. 

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