Apologies with curse words.

My apologies for not keeping up with my blog. I have been busy with school, work, and myself. I’m not going to cry anymore, fuck that. What is crying going to do anyway; eyes become pussy, face and chest red, nothing else. 

I don’t want to be how I am anymore, I am going to fucking change, I’m getting pissed off at myself, I am ruining everything around me, for what fucking reason? Nothing, that’s what. I don’t want to destroy what I have and reading my boyfriends letters now, just made me realize what I have done. It’s fucked up. 

I’m sorry for all of the curse words too.

I realize that my boyfriend is busy with things besides me, it’s not all about me. He is dating me so I know that I will be able to see him again, even if it’s not at the times I want to. I shouldn’t be upset that he is having ‘guy time.’ He doesn’t need to spend every fucking second with me. Nothing is that big of a deal, but I make it seem like it, because I am a fucking immature child who wants all the attention on herself. Fucked up. IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY! It’s not all about me, and my friend was right. It isn’t and only now do I realize that I have made it out to be all about me. 

It’s like what the fuck is wrong with me? I’m a fucking teenage girl, and an annoying one at that. I need to shut the fuck up and not care about me all the fucking time.

I think I am done with my fucking rant. I’m still sorry about the foul language, I’m a bit pissed off at myself for being so fucking oblivious. Ugh. 

One response to “Apologies with curse words.”

  1. I am afraid foul language is not helping much. Better is to stay calm and take distance from what happened. Looking from above often gives a better picture. Getting out of your own little fragile person, daring to look at yourself but even more to look at the other one is more important. Your live is too much precious, so why should you let anybody else interfere to be able to destroy it?

    Love can hurt. But if we take all the time of one person or want some one totally for ourselves, not giving each other time to develop and grow individually, the danger exist your are smoking each other.
    Love is granting the other person space to breath and to be his or her self.
    Before you can love somebody else you need to love your self (in a certain way) and may not be or “getting pissed off at myself”.

    Take stand, read some poetry and look around in nature to see all the beauty, and indulge in clean, nice words, not becoming aggressive choosing to go for vile words or foul language, that shall not help any bit.

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