What is the most beautiful thing to you?

A beautiful woman, and an average girl. One knows much more than the other, thinks so much more than the other. And that other girl, she thinks of jealousy, and sadness. She doesn’t want any of that knowledge from that other person, that person who is so strong. Compared to the woman, the girl is weak.

That weak girl is me. I want to hate that beauty. I want to hate her, and make her disappear from my life. She is too much, it’s painful to look at her. Her beauty, her smarts. Her skills, so elegant. So painful. I may be better at somethings, but she is better at the things that are important; people skills, friends, happiness. She helps and genuinely cares for others, even me. The person who hates her, but can’t bear themself to admit it. I don’t want to hate her, I want to be her friend, close friend.

I don’t want to hate her. I’m hating her out of jealousy, to be like her. Friends with her. I wonder what that beautiful woman and that gorgeous man talk about? Do they have fun, do they laugh, talk? Do she know more than me? Probably. I want to be like her, but I don’t. I hate myself for being jealous. I want to leave this place. I want to forget it all.

There is two other beauty’s, along with the beautiful woman. There is, obviously, the beautiful woman, then the likable and lovable woman, and the outgoing woman. They are all so much better than me, and I am still jealous. I just want to be friends with them. Close friends, a person who can talk and enjoy themself with them. The beautiful woman has the indifferent man. The likable and lovable woman has the outgoing man. The outgoing woman has the handsome man. I, the weak girl, have the strong and gorgeous man. I love him. So much.

Why? Why am I so jealous of them, the beauties. I want to hate them all. I don’t want to hate them though. I wish I could feel like thier friend. But, I want to leave them all behind. I want to forget. I don’t want to remember.I don’t want to keep digging myself a hole. I feel like, I don’t need them… I ask myself, and them.
“What is the most beautiful thing to you?”

The beautiful woman, “A sunset.”

The likable and lovable woman, “Love, or a sandwich.”

The outgoing woman, “Love.”

The weak girl, “Him.”

I don’t know what wins. I don’t know what loses. It’s hard to explain…

I want to get over this pain, it’s too much to keep down.

I want to be friends, or feel like friends with them. It’s time to try. A new change needs to happen. With me. It’s my time to make my effort.