(This is a short preview of a new story I am working on.)
I can’t remember anything before the age of five; it’s like a black screen, nothing was there… But, what I can remember is something I wish I would forget. I remember my fathers’ rough palm across my mouth, muffling my screams and cries. His dusty work pants expired around his ankles. His black belt tightened around my wrists, while the queen bed pound against the wall, while my mother screamed foul phrases with every hit. I remember my father taking his calloused hand and whip it across my cheeks, my back, my wrists. My father would take his belt and leave welts on the back of my thighs, my waist, my arms. There would be nasty, yellow bruises on my breasts, hips, neck. Across my thighs, and my wrists. They would never end just there…
I also remember my mothers harsh words brashing my face; “go to hell,” “you bitch!” “is there something wrong with you,” “you fucking whore!”
Words I never loved, words that lead to nothing but self-hate and depression. Words that eventually meant nothing. Mother verbally slapped my self esteem, day in and day out, she would taunt… belittle, and mutilate the love I had for my self until it disappeared alltogether.
At school, it was no different, besides the still atmosphere when I used to walk in with a bruise and a bandaid on my face. Teachers, parents, classmates; they wouldn’t ask, and I wouldn’t tell. The children ignored me, not a single one looked at me in the eyes, they stared at the visible pain on my face, wondering ‘what the fuck.’ Up until the bruises went away, the kids knowingly and publicly avoided me, but now, they just outcast me. They aren’t afraid anymore, these are just the type of people who socially outcast you. Rumors were spread around, so now, all the kids that know me and also the kids that don’t, they think I used to be in all sorts of fights. No one knew anything, no one knows the truth.
Since I don’t get bruises on my face, they are left longer on every other part of my body. I guess my father doesn’t want to rape and ugly girl anymore.