Not The Best

Today wasn’t the best. It was okay at some parts, but overall, what a downer. It was great that I got to sleep in, and didn’t have to go to school til’ 11:25. That was amazing, my morning (at home) went great. I got to type stuff up and transfer stuff… But then, on my way to school. I felt like I was going to puke. I blame it all on my memories. Just pain… Sadness. It’s depressing really. Things with someone… Emotions running wild, it’s getting close to that time. Icky.

I feel horrible too, I lashed out at so many people, they didn’t deserve it. My friend Kasi, she was messing around and she lightly hit me, but her knuckle to my cheek bone with a little it of force, it kind of stung. I gave her my angry eyes, and I think I would have hit her if I wasn’t thinking. Then we told that story to the table we sat at, which consisted of my friend Matt and Mindy and London; only Matt was joking around about hitting me. I told him to stop “I’m not in the mood” and I told him I would hit him, he didn’t believe me, so I did. I apologized and he said I didn’t mean it, and I did mean it. There is this other guy, London, wow. He really pissed me off. I was so mean too, I feel bad. Ugh. I have to apologize tomorrow. After all that crap, I ran off to my next class, and I felt really bad and sick. I couldn’t eat anything… It made me want to puke. I went to search for my guidance counselor, she was busy. I’ll talk to her tomorrow I guess.

After school, during 8th hour, I slumped around, feeling sick still and upset. I talked with my advisement teacher and I have some things to do. After that I went to the cafeteria, and moped. Where else to do it, no one cares. My friend Lainnah came over and asked me what’s up. I gave her little to nothing. I couldn’t really tell if it was old or new stuff; probably a mix of both. Then Nick came over… I didn’t really understand what we talked about, I heard it, but… I don’t understand why we talked about it… After he left I cried. I went into the bathroom and cried a bit too. I walked to the other side of the cafeteria and cried and almost yelled at this guy named Cub, cause he was talking to me. He said “You look lonely, and I talk to lonely people to make them feel less lonely” He was dead on. I was lonely. Still am, feels like I always will be. I don’t know.

Who do I talk to now…? Who can support me? Or at least help… I don’t know what I should do. I want someone to help me, but no one is standing by to help.

Other than that, I watched The Last Song, I love it. Again. Cried, felt a lot better. I’m losing my tears over my problems.

Well, I’m going to go play piano, I like it and it helps. Bye Bye.

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