Such a long one, wow. I kinda got off track, sorry!
I feel like I have been in love a lot, but I realized that it has only been once. A strong love that will never go away. It all started around last year, the day I met this guy, who seemed pretty feminine, but really… He was. That is part of the reason I started to like him. Every guy that I have dated before him never lasted, it always seemed like I loved them, but then I thought… What if this happened? Would I be sad? Yes. Would I move on? Yes, easily. So I figured I wasn't in love. BUT, this guy. This guy… I fell in love with. We shared so many things, basically my everything, his everything. We were eachothers first and I feel like he would of been my last. I love him, I still do, even though we are not together. I didn't think through what I was doing, we were going through a rough patch and all my emotions were far behind me. I broke up with him, and I was fine for a couple of days, but slowly… Slowly my pain and broken heart clicked. I broke his heart, and my own. I realized, this is the one. The one and only guy that I love. I realized that I don't feel any attraction towards any one other than him, I can not see myself with anyone but him. I may have ruined our future dreams together because of my childish foolishness. I was honesly stupid for throwing everything away and trying to run from it all. I realized that I was in LOVE with him, and I believe that I will not be in love with anyone for a while. I wish him and I could get back together, but it would never be the same. He would never be the same, for me and my childish mind, I think I would just put everything in the past, but he wouldn't be able to do that… It hurts me thinking how much we have changed… It's sad, and lonely, but I am trying to move forward… I wish it could go faster, I don't like this dragging on.