My mother and I

I had a very long talk, well she did the talking, with my mother. I love her very much but she can be a pain. I stress her out a lot and I know that is bad. I am trying to change that. My father stresses her out, the past stresses her out, and she stresses herself out. My mother is just a big mess lately and it’s getting worse, and I am worried about her. I want to be there for her.. I don’t want her to bear it all alone. I love her, she is my mother. Things suck so bad. Things keep getting worse for her.

I can’t tell anyone details, the one person I could tell details too… He isn’t in my life any longer… I want him to hold me and tell me things will be fine, but that won’t happen.

I had this notebook that I wrote all my happy poems, and depressing poems, and angry poems in. I wrote my feelings on when Nick and I broke up. It was hard. I cried and I did bad things, and I regret some of it, but not all. I told my mother about the notebook and I gave it to her, she is going to read it tomorrow. I’m scared… Tonight, a few minutes ago… I hugged her, and told her I loved her. I haven’t done that in a long time, and it felt nice… I missed it. It felt right… I want that to happen a lot. I want to tell her what’s on my mind but I don’t want her to blow it off. I want things to change. I want to keep my family together. It’s breaking emotionally.

Anyway, I wrote a peom a while ago about dreams;

My Dreams Fly
Here I lay
Dreaming on the outside
My legs sway
as my arms spread wide.

My eyes are open
to see the world
my ideas sharpen
as the inspiration unfurled

Each small idea flies
to make a new dream
they create many more ties
that twist to gleam.

My dreams reach across this land
they touch everyone in someway
spreading their wings to expand
each and every day.