Accept what you can’t change, change what you can’t accept.

The Nine Lives of Chloe King.

Have you heard of it? Well, I heard of it, and I just finished the first season on Netflix. I am so mad though. I get into an amazing show and then I find out… THEY CANCELLED IT. I hate ABC Family right now. seriously? That is an amazing show and now I want to books! I need them! I want to know what happens!! Has that happened to you? They cancel something you love. Jeez. It makes me want to throw my computer across the room. (I have an incie bit of some anger issues) It also makes me want to cry. *sad face* It makes me so~ mad! Arrgh!

Sorry, My little brief rant has now ended. Maybe.

So, I am looking for a job. *Happy face* I need one so~ bad. I want my money to buy what I want. Ugh. If I had money, and a car.. Oh I would so drive to Barnes and nobles. Haha. I have an English Essay on ‘The American Dream’. It’s due thursday and the rough, the complete rough draft is due Tuesday… When I get back from school. That’s my homework I need to do. I also need to study Ions for my Chem class. Icky. Oh well. I need to do it so.. What can I do. I love Chinese… I write in this notebook/journal when I get bored.. I am thinking about having that be my chinese journal. I love it. I already wrote an entry on it… I talked about stuff that I learned. Haha. Ooh, and my friend Cherie, she is Chinese and she is so cute when she laughs at my accent when I speak it, but she also says that I am very good at writing it which makes me very happy.

There are about three… no… yeah… Three guys that I talk too. Two that I like but won’t date… Plus they are online so… yeah. They make me smile. It’s nice to have friends. Problem is, they are older than me… Oh well, there is one reason why I won’t date them.

I really want a man in my life… I feel so empty… Like I have never felt this way before. I like people but I can’t see myself with them… I have two boys that I really like. One is automatically my ex. I love him, always will, and it won’t ever change. I want to be with him but I can’t. More like… we can’t. To much stress would be on the relationship and, I don’t want that. The other guy I really like is in a big situation. He has a girlfriend, and a child on the way. This makes me sad, but happy. He has a child! It’s awesome.. but I wish I could be with him. Oh well, I can’t so I need to accept it.

People always tell me to get over things, no. I don’t think that is right. Live with everything, accept what you can’t change, and change what you can’t accept. Don’t just “build a bridge and get over it” accept it. Or else you will never get over it. That’s how I see it at least.

This weekend I have a lot, maybe to do. Haha. I might sleep over at my friend Holiday’s house, and that would be totally awesome. My grades are doing okay, I am working on shooting them up to B’s and A’s. I need to keep up on writing and I need to workout. My workout schedule shut down because of some breakdowns… It wasn’t good and it was my fault that I couldn’t go through with it all, so I am going to start-up again, though I am going to keep it to afternoons only. Haha. I need to clean my room, it’s a big mess… Not good. I need to read my book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Oh wow, I need to do a lot of things. I really hope I get a job. Yep. I really do. And now I want my permit, and my licenses. Ugh. Too much. Too much. I never wanted to do any of this before.

I always wanted someone to take care of me I guess, and now I am starting to think, that is never gonna happen. I need to change things on my own. I need to start. But I don’t know where. I may be taking this harder than it actually is…

Hm. I will start with cleaning my room tomorrow morning. Then I will eat, then I will shower and do all that crap. Then I will read and do some English homework(some tonight too) After that I will call up Holiday. I have Monday off of school so that might be good for me. I should really make this post a thousand words too.

Today I actually told Holiday what is on my mind. I stopped crying so that was good. And I was right, she had no idea that I was that depressed. Haha. It’s a bit sad but that makes me happy that people have no idea what is going on that can’t make them worry. It also makes me sad because I want them to worry. I want to be sympathized for… I guess I never felt like I was worried for at home, by my parents. I know they worried but… it seemed like they never cared and I don’t understand that.. I am growing so distant from them. I know another thing… I need to be outside more. It makes me happy. It really does. It also may keep me from crying.

Does anyone know good ways to relieve emotional stress besides self harm, the rubber band trick, writing it out, talking, etc. I need to find other ways. I also want to learn other ways and test them out to see which work for me. If you know any could you please comment? Thanks.

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