Challenges

My challenges this new year is to form habits. I’m challenging myself to do Yoga everyday. I bought a Yoga book on anatomy so i can put together sequences to really target what I want to do myself. Today is Day two of Yoga. (by the way, I am now deciding to document my experience.)

I didn’t write about Day One because it really wasn’t a day one. I put up my free yoga poster and decided to try it out. I didn’t even commit to the whole thing, so today, I tried something easier but something can be difficult. I did 3 sun salutations. The first two, did more as a flow to get myself warmed up and to feel doing yoga again. It felt amazing, to be honest. My body felt vitalized and my muscles felt more relaxed. The third time I did the sequence, I held every post for at least 5 deep breaths. I tried to hold the challenging poses longer, like the plank and chaturanga. I also tried to focus on stretching and gaining more flexibility. I definitely want to work this practice into the morning times. I just like to sleep.

Another challenge I am doing is Writing from the senses. It’s a book that I am reading and writing from. I may or may not post something on the prompts I get. I’ve only gotten two prompts done and I started yesterday. Jimmy and I took turns reading aloud and then I had an awesome flashback i needed to get down. My goal has been 300 words for each from minimum.

Besides challenges, everything else is okay. I am ahead on payments so far, and I am looking forward in February to hear back about a certain position at work and that will further make me choice in the future. I’m excited and looking forward to it.

Obsessed

Imagine a world where everything feels as if you are in the best moment of your life. Imagine that the sky was so blue that you couldn’t help but flop down on a pillow of grass and a blanket of clovers. Your toes are tickled by the breeze and the sun soaks into your skin like lotion after a steamy shower. The birds sing beautiful melodies that move your heart and you feel connected to life. The clouds dance over the sky as the birds ride the winds. The trees sway to the music in your head, and the flowers look a little bit brighter than usual. Imagine you at the happiest moment in your life, it might have been yesterday. It just happens so casually; you are shopping at a store and the store clerk seems so happy to be alive. S/He transfers his love of life and work into you and you feel so boosted. All of a sudden, life seems great. It is very true that a smile can turn a persons life around. You should be obsessed with being happy, no one wants to be angry or sad. In order to be happy, you have to accept that not everything is going to just be good. Life is only hard and sad if you make it that way, and I know… It’s easier said than done, but that’s why a smile or a friendly visit helps even if its just a little bit.

Anyway, I have been obsessed with a particular song. It’s called “We Don’t have to take our clothes off” by Ella Eyre. I don’t know if its a cover or whatever but I love this song. It’s beautiful and romantic and she sings it perfectly. I’ve been listening to this song a lot and I am loving the way I can sing it. I found the songs I would love to sing. I highly recommend listening to the words and she expresses herself. It makes me feel like I should buy Adele’s album. I love Adele too. As a cute little update on my life…

Yesterday I had a cute visit with the Judge. I had court because of no registration & Insurance. I have both now. She is dropping the registration charge but I need to pay the other portion. Oh well, it’s my own fault. On top of that I was late to court and I was working too hard during the weeks before to actually get an attorney to try to drop all the fees. Oh well, next time I won’t have this problem. My boyfriend and I have been overindulging in watching the Naruto Shippuden on Hulu. I’ve seen most of them and have actually finished the series in Manga form, but I am re-watching them with him. I’ve been trying to get back into writing, NaNoWriMo didn’t help because of working two jobs. Both are intense pieces of work. They both have their ups and downs and it’s pretty rough working pretty much 50 some hours a week total. Give or take a day off or so. It’s going to be that way for a while now, but Friday… I get paid from both jobs, plus a bonus check. I’m excited. Too bad I will be broke once again since I have to pay my bills: Phone, credit card, health, car payment… Gas. Thats it for these next two weeks. Sometimes I hate being an adult. I wish I could just save my money and mooch off of my parents, but they aren’t very wealthy or abundant in money so I have to sorta fend for myself. I don’t exactly see it myself but my grandparents are proud of me, that makes me pretty happy. I wish I could afford to see them for the holidays, I might use my tax return for a trip up there, and I would so pay for my boyfriend to go with me. I’d be happy for him to come with me.

Another notable thing that has happened is the changing of our bedroom. We moved a lot of stuff around so now we have a lot of room on the floor so I am going to be getting back into yoga and probably reading. The babe and I our going to work out together for our new years resolution and hopefully by then I will figure out my money and job situation. Anyway, we are going to work out together and we are going to start eating healthier and actually start doing date nights since we don’t do much outside of our own home and we need to start doing that again. Going on walks or to the park or movies. It gets expensive but it will be nice. Maybe a movie once a month but every week we go to park and chat or walk or have a picnic or something of the sort. I’m sure he and I are going to go ice skating again. In the mall that I work at, every Tuesday is half off movie night. It’s super nice. I also want to get back into reading all of my books so I can decide what ones I should keep to re-read or which ones I should sell. I am just like my grandma when I don’t want to get rid of anything. I could use it someday. I don’t know when, but I might use it. It’s really sad that I say that about books…

“Oh, I’ll read this sometime!” I put the book in my cart as I past all the other ones on the shelf. I stop and think to myself about all the books I have and take a few steps back. I look at all my options and decided to throw three more in the same series in the cart.I told myself that I would start reading when I get home. Little did I actually realize that when I pull into the parking lot and step foot into my bedroom that I would put the books on my self and forget about them until I felt like reading again. Only then would I realize that I don’t need all of these books and then I sell them. The books will only collect dust, just like all of my other things. That’s why the only thing I should spend money on is food. I’ll definitely eat the ones that I like or don’t really have to cook(cereal, ice cream, cookies, etc).

I have some seriously bad habits, but hey! I got a boyfriend who can help me through the New Years Resolutions, so that’s a thing. My NYR’s are to work out, eat right, and save money all the while being healthy, happy, and totally not stressed out. It’s going to be hard but it’ll be okay. Keep in mind that this is the year I turn 21…

Am I adulting correctly?

 

Wonderful

Okay, time for some crappy personal stuff. My dad got fired from his job, most likely his fault, can’t really trust what he says. That means, no insurance for me! Yippie. That means, I need to find a higher paying job so I can get some benefits on my back.

Lets be honest here, Teavana is an amazing job, I’ve met so many people that have learned to love the art of tea and that have fallen in love with certain things that I talk about. It is pretty amazing to be sharing all this information that I learned and to be a part of a growing franchise that is connected to Starbucks. That company is pretty awesome and I wish that I can stay working there. But, I need more money. I need to get my car, credit card, and medical bill payed off. I need to get myself some health insurance and car insurance now since my dad can’t afford it. I need to get more money. I need to work my ass off so I can be okay. I’m not happy about that. Right now, I’m not happy with just working at Teavana. I have Mondays and Tuesdays off with my boyfriend, that is my favorite part. But I can’t wait forever to hear back from Teavana to see if I am going to get a higher paying position. I can’t afford it. I also need to save at least 1,500 by next year. I want to save even more, so I need more money. I need to. I want to.

I’m looking at jobs, I am being slightly picky, even though I shouldn’t be. I’ve applied at 3 places. 2 places as a server, and another at a sub shop kind of like Palmer’s. I need to get my application out there at anywhere. I want to find a bakery to work at, because I love baking.

It’s Thursday right now, it’s my day off. I’m going to relax a bit and apply to a lot of places. I just wanted to throw an update out there.

August

Summers almost over, here’s what I’ve been up to!

I’ve been working at Teavana since March, and I absolutely love it. I’ve been getting into tea so much, that I am almost addicted to it! I need to get a Breville because I am lazy, but I also want a cast iron tea pot because that is the only way I’ll drink traditional tea. I quit my other job at stuff, which put a hindrance on my money situation but that’s alright-I spend it all anyway. I finish reading Looking For Alaska, it took me a total of four days. That’s a tiny bit of information there.

Now, I did move from my old place, with my boyfriend. We live with his dad, and I can say that it is very nice! It is so clean and fresh, smells neutral which is great. Smoke free which is awesome. Jimmy(my boyfriend) and I are just trying to get things figured out and then hopefully save money to move to Washington with my grandparents. Right now he is making me a Quesadilla, I can’t wait. Living here has provided me with time to feel relaxed and focused. I can feel like I can actually accomplish the things I want. Reading, writing, drawing, etc. I’m happy, kind of stress free, but still really happy. Jimmy enjoys his new job, and I hope that I get my team lead position for Teavana so I can have more experience and get more pay!

I’ve been reading Mindfulness yoga by Frank Jude Boccio, I want to really enhance my innerself and outerself. I want to better myself overall so hopefully that will help. I have to work in like 30 minutes, so I will get back to you later!

Hello

Hello all, it has been quite a while since I have wrote anything worth saying. I haven’t had much inspiration lately, but I am feeling pretty decent right now. A lot has happened since I turned 20 this past Tuesday, I am still trying to take it all in, but for now I will start somewhere in the beginning.

I’d like the mention the me in the past, say high school… or even just a year ago, would have never expected to see myself where I am now, or go through what I have gone through. Last year April, I spent my tax return on a plane ticket to see my friend Sawyer for the first time. It was one of the best times in my life so far and I will never forget all the fun I had, people I finally met and got to meet, as well as the scenery that I had a chance to see. Sawyer has been my online friend for quite a while and I was super stoked that I actually got to meet him and it turned out great! When I got back home, I was still working at Palmers, didn’t see myself leaving or anything of the sort. I didn’t expect to get kicked out of my house in June and live with a good friend Sam, and then I definitely didn’t see myself getting kicked out of her place, but back then, I didn’t really understand money situations. Last year, I also got introduced into the rave scene. I am not a druggie or anything of the sort. Yes the rave scene is associated with those habits, but all the people that I have met through that scene are amazing people and they have shaped and added on to many of my beliefs today. I have learned a lot from those people that I met and still meet. Later on that year, I went to a music festival called Bushwak and thats when I really felt at home with all those people that I’ve met. I met people from all over Iowa and some even out of state. I hung out with everyone, laughed with everyone and danced and played games with everyone. Slip n Slides, climbing trees, hula hoops, fire dancing, gloving, poi lights, campfires, rainstorms, camping, hammocks, and all that jazz with a lot of people. Everyone was my friend there, it was wonderful and I’ve never experienced such joy after high school. During that time, I moved back in with my dad because I didn’t want to live with my mom again (after she kicked me out the first time). I also spent more money on a plane ticket to see my grandparents in Idaho for almost two weeks. It was absolutely the best time I’ve had as well. I missed them so much and I loved seeing how much my family members have grown. I love getting to know my cousins a bit more and meeting new people. It was a short trip but I enjoyed every minute of it. I experienced a lot of new things and took a lot of amazing photographs out there. When I got back I was a little sad though. Work was just the same but i talked non stop about my trip. I lived about 10 minutes away from work and then one day, I got really fed up with working there, all the stress and sickness I felt from being pushed so hard and stressed on made me unhappy to work there, so I quit. The next few days I got a job at Stuff Etc. Another Iowa only store. Amazing how I do that. It is my first time working in retail and I love it so far. I’ve been there since september. Around that time, I met my current boyfriend. I knew him in high school, we were kinda friends. He was and still is a very strange kid. We got along, I gave him my number because I wanted to get to know him again because we both changed a lot. We hung out and then one night I pretty much asked him to ask me out and so we started dating. It took a bit to understand each other and figure things out, but we got there or here I should say. It took me a while to realize that I can’t manipulate him to give me what I think I need out of everything. Sure I want things, but that is because I’ve grown up reading all these things that make relationships more than relationships. I’ve come to realize that relationships are not always about seeing each other non stop, or talking non stop, or receiving and giving gifts all the time. Every relationship is different and I have come to know that my relationship is different. It is a whole new level from when I dated before, and I at first was not okay about all that jazz that didn’t happen, but as time went, I realized that I want to be with him and therefore he is a gift in itself. I don’t need all sorts of presents from him, I just want him.  Besides the less money he spends on me, the better for what he needs to pay off. Right?

So far so good. The new year is right around the corner, and I had a great time with his family and I am sure he had equal amount with mine. Nothing quite so amazing happened in January or February. But in March, I decided to get a second job to take up my free time at home because I do nothing anyway, so why not get a second job. I started working at Teavana, and it is my first job in sales, and so far so awesome, haha. My boss says I am doing a great job and she’s working with me and teaching me a lot of things. I love it and I learned to love tea more than ever. I had my 20th birthday on the 21st of April and that was when things started moving faster. My boyfriend moved in, and so far so good-again. I really enjoy seeing his face every day and knowing that I will see him soon makes me happy. I like coming home and seeing his stuff slowly get comfortable in my room. Sadly it isn’t as big as his, but it’s alright. We are planning on building a loft bed to make more room. We already sound proofed a wall. We got a few summer projects to do. And here I am today. Writing this and soon to be straightening up the room. I am going to make a list of Summer to do things. Next week is a big week for me though.

I work at Stuff Tuesday through Friday, 8:30 am to 4 pm. Then on Saturday I work 2 pm to 8:30 pm. At Teavana, I work Tuesday though Thursday, 5 pm to 9:30 pm. Friday night I have off, then Saturday I work 10 am to 1 pm. Sunday I work 1 pm to 7 pm or 3 pm to 7 pm. It’s going to be a rewarding and exhausting week and I don’t know If it will stay that busy.

Thankfully Mondays are off for me. So I get to relax a bit, and its a good thing that the two places have two different atmospheres or else I wouldn’t be able to do it, I think.

Well, I spills whats been happening recently and now I have to work bit here then, actually go to work. I will keep you all updated again. I just need to get out of the rut with my writing, and I will once things get semi organized around here. It is still a little hectic.

March Already!?

I can’t believe that it’s already March! Time is flying by so fast and I can’t seem to remember it. I haven’t even been writing everyday because I’ve had no will to write. I started my new job yesterday and I have to say that I am very excited. I want to learn everything about it and become an expert. That’s one of my favorite things to do.

My cat is missing. I presume that he is dead because its cold outside and I doubt he would be able to survive there for 2 plus days. It makes me feel very sad. I want to adopt a kitten, but I can’t find any either, and I want to go to a shelter!

I don’t know what else to write too. I cleaned my room massively? I got a new mattress. I got a new tattoo. It’s a metatron cube. My car should be getting fixed this coming up weekend. Hopefully. Spring and summer is right around the corner! My birthday is in less than 2 month. The big 20.

Sadly, that’s all I have to say right now. I am not motivated to really write. I will definitely write when I get the urge and the ideas.

Journals and Notebooks

As a non-frequent writer, I am obsessed with notebooks and journals of the sort. They are intriguing and beautiful to me. I love that the pages aren’t used and the bind isn’t broken. I like the idea of a fresh notebook, but that idea is also very daunting. Personally, I think I have to write in that notebook correctly. If I mess up, the notebook becomes useless. I haven’t finished a complete notebook. I doodle pages so I can finish it easier or I rip them out. I probably shouldn’t do that. I want my notebooks to be awesome, but they aren’t.

I would like to say that I finished a notebook! I still tore some pages out and doodled on a few to fill it up faster, but hey, it is finished. I almost succeed in writing everyday, but they days I didn’t write in it, I made up for by doodling, or reviewing that day. Day one was Monday, December 29th of 2014, and the last entry was Sunday, February 15th of 2015.

I’m proud of myself, for the most part. I plan on going back through it and reading and writing it online, then maybe throwing it out of turning the pages into origami. I think that would be cool and a neat way to recycle.

This is a short post, because I don’t have much to say, I will update more later. I moved and stuff, so I gotta talk about that later too.

Things To Do

I have a lot of things I want to do with my life, and right now, I am finally starting to see them happen. I see my goals down in front of my and then I see a very blurry path. Granted, it is blurry and I can’t really tell where it is or how it will be, but it is 100% better than not being able to see it at all.

Everyday, the blur lessens. That makes me feel slightly happier with how things are going. I feel like I am getting better at handling some situations, and that makes me feel confident and happier.

I did something today that I haven’t done in a bit. I drew something seriously. I drew a bit more, but I tore out the pages because I feel like I wasn’t trying hard enough. Then I got an idea to draw something, so I did. I didn’t draw the exact idea, but it was pretty close and I am pretty satisfied about it. I drew a wolf. Half of a wolf face. i wanted to draw a wolf as the main focus and then a evergreen in the background. The paper is 4 x 6″, so it is fairly small. I’m not used to an enclosed drawing space for legitimate hard work, I am pretty proud of myself.

I’m getting things figured out, and I am going to try and focus on a better lifestyle. Sadly, the winter weather sucks, but I have to deal, and I will. Slowly. I’m debating on what to do with my taxes. I am thinking about buying a camera lens, or a shutter remote or a flash extension or something for my camera. A new camera bag, or something. Or I might save it for later and use it to traveling expenses and dinner dates with my boyfriend.

By the way, can I say that my boyfriend is absolutely amazing. He told me that he feels good when he is with me, and I think it applies to anything that we do. I’m pretty sure I also get him out of the house and get him to do different things, and the same thing applies to myself. My favorite thing about us, is our conversations. Its different and, what I feel with him is absolutely amazing and 100% percent different from other dating experiences. I just want him to know that he is absolutely amazing. Though, I do tell him anyway.

I’m still stuck on what I want to do for my moving situation. I have to help my mom and my dad move. I don’t want to. Unless I get paid for it… Doubt it, I will still have too. Here’s a little pro-con list of moving

PROS:

  1. Closer to the gym
  2. Closer to gas stations, and stores
  3. Closer to work
  4. Closer to my boyfriend
  5. Everyone I hang out with is in the vicinity
  6. House is finished

CONS:

  1. Relatives moving with us (I’m uncomfortable)
  2. I’d like to be with my mom
  3. Renovating will be hard
  4. Always had problems with the trailer

Overall, the pros definitely out number the cons. Sadly, half of the cons deal with an emotional side that is hard to overcome. I don’t know how it will affect me mentally and I don’t want it to be negative. I’m perfectly find with it being neutral and not changing anything at all. It’s obvious which one I should choose, it is just hard for some reason.

Understanding

I am not sure about understanding things. I am afraid of the unknown, yet things that are unknown by me become very intriguing and I want to discover them. I have an overwhelming sense of wanting to discover things, even if I am afraid of them and what the outcome of it could be. I don’t understand it, and that makes me even more uncomfortable.

I meet all these amazing people everyday, and I wonder to myself ‘how do these people understand and how do they feel about these things that scare me.’ I want to know because other people’s ideas can help me shape my own ideas. I am not taking other people’s opinions to heart, I am just letting them get the edges of the paper wet. Does that make sense?

I want other people’s point of view on things that I second guess myself on. I always second guess myself on everything and what I really don’t understand is how I can simply do something without even thinking about it. It is kind of like how I talk or rant. It isn’t like writing where I can reread and take out what needs to be taken out. I say it as I think it. It can be all jumbled as thoughts too, but I will say the thought out loud and I wouldn’t be able to understand it. It doesn’t make any sense.

Anyway, I lost track of what I was really talking about, but I don’t feel like going back and reading it. I want to talk about my urges to leave Iowa. I want to get up and walk out and see a new sight, but it isn’t as easy as it seems. I have things here that I want to cherish. I figured out that I am afraid to start anew as well. The idea of it is scary, and I don’t want to be alone for it either, but in a way, I do. I don’t understand anything!

Right at this moment, I have a frightening urge to be someone out of the comfort zone. I want to do all these things that scare me. Right in this moment, I have an urge to be someone else but it scares me and I don’t understand how I, who is scared of it, can have that urge. It scares me so much, but I feel like I’ve gotten so far that I have to keep going. I keep looking back and remember things that I said I would never do and look at me. I am here, and doing something I couldn’t see. I am quite amazed at how somethings really do change, but I am so amazed that I had a thought like that once. I have gotten into a different scene since I’ve gotten out of high school and I have gotten used to the person who is carefree and ready for anything, and now that pace has slowed down so I am reverting back to who I used to be and I keep jetting to the past and remembering things I used to say that I scoff at now.

I have to say that I am so happy that I am the person now, because if I was still who I was, I wouldn’t really be who I am supposed to be, now would I?

What I really hate is I am a person who is easily pleased, and equally disappointed. I am slowly trying to quit that mindset, and trying to become a version of myself who is easily pleased and hard to disappoint. That would make things so much nicer.

I want to do so many things and I keep thinking that I am an old woman and that I can accomplish anything but then I keep thinking that I am so young and that I can do absolutely anything that I put my mind too, and I really think that I should keep with the later, but that is super hard as well. It’s all about mindset and mine is really hard to change.

I’m hoping this new year to really get out of shell that I created for all those years. I want to be different, and better but still retain things that I hold dear.

I really am changing and now that I keep realizing it, it kind of scares me.

Writing

I am proud to announce that I have actually been writing everyday since, Monday the 29th of December. My note book is halfway full because I find my self writing a page or more about my day. I also find my self doodling and exploring the length of my ruler and the ideas that come through to the paper. I had goals to write everyday and to work out a lot, and I am at least making one of them happen. I haven’t been to the gym much, but when I go, I work my butt off.

What has been going on with me since December 29th? I’ll give a summary of each day. I think I will do this if I don’t post as much as I have before since I get distracted by the wonders of the internet. Without further ado, lets start on the cover of my notebook.

When I open my notebook, I see my three 2015 goals which are bolded on my post about my resolutions and stuff, here.

12.29.2014: I hung out with my boyfriend a little bit, but sent him home because he was getting sick, I got a gym membership with my dads girlfriend and we worked out later that day.

12.30.2014: Went to work at 8:30 AM only to discover that I worked at 4 PM so I made a rash decision on my gas and bank account to drive up to Cedar Rapids which is about two hours away, and go see a friend. Came back home and worked and work when I actually got off work. It was a fun drive, Jimmy is still sick.

12.31.2014: I was hoping for a New Years kiss. I dreamed about my boyfriend. He is still sick, I didn’t get a New Years kiss and I was actually upset.

1.1.2015: I was upset about my boyfriend, I went and saw The Gambler in theaters out in West Des Moines and gave a late x-mas present to a good friend of mine. He liked it. Jimmy still hasn’t talked to me, but I figured I shouldn’t brood over not hearing from him. The movie was decent. Was told by my dad that I am antisocial. I was going to read a book, but decided to read manga. Later on, I revised on the idea of a New Years kiss and became happy just to be with Jimmy and I hope he is okay. Wrote a note to him.

1.2.2015: Youtube on laptop, in bed relaxing. Work was busy. Jimmy texted me, and my mood skyrocketed. Bought stuff for myself, and kitty cat. Worked out. Asked Jimmy to pick a number over text, I numbered my books, and he picked #2 and that was the book Stephen King, On Writing. I wrote a poem.

1.3.2015: Worked, made paracord bracelets. Reading manga, surprise visit from Jimmy. Super happy again. Gave him updates since he was sick, shared my feelings.

1.4.2015: Worked. Talked with customers about my dreams. Handed out blog name. Jimmy came over and woke me up when I fell asleep.

1.5.2015: No water, donate, back home. Shoveled at Jimmy’s, dinner, fireplace, romantic house date. It was absolutely amazing.

1.6.2015: Work. Wal-mart. Car accident.

1.7.2015: Couldn’t work, no ride. I was pretty upset. Hoping boyfriend could give me a ride. He was busy. Doodled. Drank too much tea, got sick.

1.8.2015: Talked a lot at break at work. Donated. Doodled while donating is hard.

1.9.2015: Went to work, when I didn’t have to. Dropped bag off. Payed bills. Stopped at Palmer’s. Doodled a complete page.

1.10.2015: Mistaken my schedule again, 8:30 AM instead of 2 PM. I hate when that happens. Arguments at home. Couldn’t find headphones. Wrote about future travels.

1.11.2015: Tried to throw my sim a birthday party, but the game kept crashing. It doesn’t want me to have fun.

1.12.2015: Emotions. Doodle to take the feelings out.

1.13.2015: Doodled. Wrote about Jimmy.

1.14.2015: No ride to work. Upset about everything. Late evening, spent with Jimmy.

1.15.2015: Practice crappy cursive. Worked, and enjoyed myself. Apologized for being unable to attend work. I absolutely hate it. (if I lived closer/if it was warmer, I would ride my bike.) Plan to work out later with a friend. Practiced Japanese.

1.16.2015: More cursive, livestreams. Meeting, breakdown at home, got extra shirt from work.

1.17.2015: Makeup, bad night won’t prevent a good day. My first half-price sale. It was fun. Work about Jimmy’s likes. He surprised me around midnight.

1.18.2015: The day isn’t over yet, I wrote a textbroker artice, and I plan on doing some stuff today. But cramps suck.

There you have it. My journal so far. My goal is to write everyday this year, and I will make it happen. I want to fill up some notebooks that I don’t use, and why not write everyday.