Monthly Archives: January 2014

Inside and Out

I have been attending Hot yoga class since Sunday, it is very relaxing as I keep mentioning in my posts. Each class is different and I love them all, I was going to go the 5:45 AM class this morning, however, I would have no way to work since none of my friends wanted to join me. The teachers are really amazing, relaxed an beautiful, each of them are different and fun.
I feel like my friends don’t interpret the classes like I do, but then again, no two people really think exactly the same, anyway, It seems like the classes to them are for exercising, though they have told me it is relaxing. To my, the yoga classes help me unwind and relax but also I feel like I am traveling inside myself and learning determination and attempting at building up my goals and dreams. I get so much inspiration and motivation from Yoga class.
I am going to attempt to create a routine, after getting used to hot yoga, I know that I really enjoy it in a hot room because of the heat. It loosens up my muscles in the morning and my room is usually cold, so I don’t get the same effect.
I have noticed some changes in my body, my back looks a bit more toned than before, it could be from anything, but I like to think it is from yoga, and my arms are getting toned as well. I’m pretty pumped up!

Last Minute

Today at work, I was pretty sore. My morning started off with 5:45 AM yoga with a slow, steady, yet intense pace of flow with balances and generally easy poses. It was sort of challenging due to the class that I attended the day before. I was alright with it though, however my body became sore super fast, I guess I should of had a quick snack with me for the after workout thing. I am still pretty tender, but it just means that I am working hard!

Work was pretty slow, and I didn’t have much to do, I don’t know if I am slowly building up confidence to ask this guy to hang out or for his number, our schedules mash up a bit but, we have some time to hang out if I ever decide to pluck up the courage to ask him. I only have to deal with 30 minutes of awkwardness if he rejects, but still! It’s awkward! Besides, who isn’t afraid of being rejected.

I have a daily plan for work outs now, My week looks like this:

  • Monday: 5:45-6:45 AM Yoga class, 7-3:30 PM Work (Free time rest of night)
  • Tuesday: 7-3:30 PM Work, late afternoon/early evening Yoga class (4:45 or 6 PM)
  • Wednesday: 5:45-6:45 AM Yoga class, 7-3:30 PM Work (Free time rest of night)
  • Thursday: 7-3:30 PM Work, late afternoon/early evening Yoga class (4:45 or 6 PM)
  • Friday: 5:45-6:45 AM Yoga class, 7-3:30 PM Work (Free time rest of night)
  • Saturday: Free day
  • Sunday: 8-9 AM Yoga class or Free day *Maybe alternate weeks for running?

It’s not final, but it is still nice to have some sort of idea. I am really excited. Yoga makes me feel better and feel like I am fuller and not empty. I feel like myself and I feel natural, calm and collected. Focuses. I think that is how someone is supposed to feel, I am like that at work only if I am listening to music, if I am not, I am all over the place

Another thing that happened at work, I was explaining my short story sort of thing for the writing prompt I was given yesterday (Click Here), and I discovered something that made me face palm and call myself a genius. Remember how I wrote something about finding something to write with all the manga I’ve read (Click here) ? Well, that story that I wrote made me think of all the mangas that I have read and how I can create a character based off of or is May and make it into a longer short story, more filled out. When I thought of that, I got so excited! I am working on developing May as a character right now and soon going to make a character sketch of her, with lots of dialogue. I pretty pumped! 

But, at the moment, my night owl senses are starting to spark so I need to be heading to bed before they start a fire.

Keep Calm and Write it out!

Checklists

I feel like I want to start a daily check list of my activities, like working out, reading, writing and internet time. I also want to make a recipe book for healthy foods and start doing that, its just so hard when I don’t feel like making healthy food, but I want to try. I want to try hard! I’ve already gotten the hang of writing pretty much everyday, and if I don’t write everyday, the posts I usually write are somewhat long. 

Hm, I think my plans in the making will be to run around the block a few times or maybe for 15 minutes if I don’t do a yoga class. Or, I can do strength/body weight exercises since I do walk all the time at work. Another thing I want to have on my check list is to make sure I write over 2,000 words a day and read at least 50 pages in a book, whether I want to or not. I am going to start that tomorrow. I also need to make sure I do my daily things, like cleaning up after myself with dishes, bedroom and etcetera. I always get this jolt of motivation at this time of night and I need to actually put forth the effort so here I go. I think I will write a post in the morning before everything I need to do, and then after. I might write a few story ideas as well, but it is pretty hard to settle my jumble thoughts. 

I am going to go to bed early tonight as well. I have to wake up early for my yoga class! 

Alive

It’s January 26. Write a post in which the number 26 plays a role.

***

She sits on the edge of a dock; her feet dangle off and her pearl white toenails soak in the clear lake. The water reflects the mountains and the clear blue sky. The colors are bright and cheerful, but to her, it is all monochrome and dull. She places her palms on the dry wood beneath her and lifts herself off. Slowly, she descends into the water. The fish beneath her, all different shades of grey, frantically swim in the opposite direction of her steady steps. The water gets higher on her, as she travels farther into the water. The subtle ruffles of her white slip floats upward and her chocolate hair spreads out in the water. She hesitates a bit and turns her head around, behind her is a vast forest and the shore of the lake. Her berry dress is thrown on the railing of the dock, and her shoes are set neatly underneath it. The water stirs once more as she continues forward. The water rises past her breasts and she feels her breaths getting faster, with each inch the cold water touches.
She keeps stepping forward until she is gently swimming in the middle of the lake. She glances down and sees her feet swaying back and forth, the dark depths frighten her a bit, but not as much as the days ahead. The sounds around her stop as she floats on her back, relaxing and staring up at the sky. Birds soar high above the earth, but she can still make out their figures.
She closes her eyes and all that is left is the muffling sound of her breathing and darkness. She stops moving and lets her body sink underneath the water.

“I’m terribly sorry…” The doctor words were monotonous, no feeling at all, in fact he looked insanely uncomfortable. They were in the doctor’s office two weeks ago when he told her she only has 26 days left to live. Her mother was in the room, and the teenager, May, was eavesdropping outside the door.
“She’s only 17! Her birthday is in a month! Why… Why!?” She screamed and slammed her fists into her thighs. She cried for a long time and May waited for her mother, not shedding a tear. When she calmed down, she wiped her tears and she mumbled apologies to the doctor who gave half-hearted comfort words. The door opened and May was waiting.
“When did you-”
“I just got here, are you okay? Were you crying? Whats wrong?” May asked repeatedly, acting nonchalant about the whole situation she just over heard.
“I’m okay, I-I cried because you are just fine! The doctor said you are as healthy as a horse, and that’s great!” She smiled sadly.
“Lets celebrate!” May grabbed her mother’s hand and headed out the door. “I love you, Mom. I love you.” She smiled and her mother cried once again and embraced her.
“I love you too, baby. I love you too!”

May opens her eyes underneath the water. It was clear and deafening. She puts her hands over her ears and lets the sound of her blood rushing through her veins drown out the sound of serenity. The water is endless, and there is nothing to see, but she keeps looking. In the water, she lets out her breath and mouths ‘I’m sorry.’
Her breath is gone and so are her thoughts, she tries not to swim up for air, so instead she tries to sink into the dark water, descending farther into the unknown. She closes her eyes and attempts to think of nothing, but her chest starts to hurts insanely bad and she struggles more and more. She wants air, she wants to breathe, but she resists the urge.
There was a sudden change in the water, it moved and she starts to panic about what is in the depths of the lake she decided to end her life in, she was scared, but she kept her eyes shut for fear of what she might see. However, her eyes shot open and her muffled voice bubbled out and in came the lake water. She felt a hand gripping at her arm, but she couldn’t see anything. An arm wraps around her waist and she tries to fight it off, but the thing is too strong. Its pulling her upward, she thinks, but she lost track of the space around her long ago. The pressure releases from her ears as the person pulls her upward into the safety of the surface, however due to lack of oxygen, May blacks out before reaching the top.

She coughs and hacks up water. She felt hands on her back, tilting her over so she can be more at ease. The sun is warm against her skin and she relaxes after a few deep breaths.
“Are you okay?” The words slowly register in her mind, and the situation becomes clearer as her eyes focus. The sand is beneath her and is sticking to her wet skin. The dock is  far in front of her and the tide of the lake is kissing the shores gently.
“Are you okay?” The sweet, and soothing voice is back, she turns around and sees a topless man in swim trunks. He repeats his words.
“Yes.” May spits out.
“Good, I thought you were going to die.” He sighs and laughs a bit. She keeps her mouth shut and watches him flop back in the sand. After a bit he speaks up again. “Where is my thank you?”
She snorts, “I don’t need to give you one, I was perfectly fine by myself, I was just swimming.”
“Really? It seemed like you were drowning.” He sits up and looks at May with intense eyes.
“I’m fi-”
“You were drowning.” He says again. “That was your intention wasn’t it.” Each word he says, hits her hard and she realizes what she was attempting so she keeps quiet.
“Say something!” He shouts.
“What do you want me to say!? Huh!?” She yells, tears in her eyes. “I only have 12 days left, and I don’t want to spend it waiting!” She stands up abruptly. “I have a say in this too! I don’t want this either!” Kicking sand in the strangers face she runs off towards the dock.”
“What are you doing!?” He chases after her. He grabs her wrist and pulls her backward.
“Stop!” She shouts.
“No! What the hell are you talking about? Don’t just yell incomprehensible things to me! I don’t understand, explain it to me.”
May cries uncontrollably and sinks to her knees. “I’m going to die!” She relays the situation to him and he comforts her.
“Lets go.” He says, he grabs her hand and walks with her to the dock. She is still crying but he helps her put on her dress and her shoes and they leave the beach.
“What are we doing?” She asks.
“We are going to make the rest of your life, the best days ever. You are going to spend it with me. My name is Alex. What’s yours?”
“May.”
“Well, May, you are now going to get to know me extremely well, because I don’t just hang out with any stranger.” He laughs like the her death was never mentioned and it makes her feel good, so good, she laughs loudly.
“What?”
“I feel better already. You better make these days the best!” She yells with glee.
He laces his fingers with her and kisses her hand, “I will.”
Her heart skips a beat, the colors of the world become brighter and magnificent, and though her time is almost up, she feels completely alive.

Music In My Head

Edm Beat Essentials: Back 2 the Beat by PMZ
Emergence by Trifonic
Night Visions by Imagine Dragons
*Radioactive
*Demons
*On Top of The World
I Don’t Want To Love Somebody Else by A Great Big World
One Day I Know by 3D Friends
Sail by AWOLNATION

I am finding a lot of songs that I like due to Spotify Recommendations, they are pretty accurate with what I like, but it all depends on my mood. Since I bought my headphones, I have been using them rather than my speakers. My Crushers make me feel like I am in my own world and everything around me is nothing but a scene and it doesn’t matter. Its really relaxing.

I had my yoga class at 8 AM. I went with my friend Larae, and it was really a new experience. It is much more powerful than home practice and it felt really comfortable, even with the somewhat challenging poses due to my lack of stretching. I felt at home during the practice and I barely noticed everyone around me, I sweat a lot and I loved it, I definitely worked hard, and I have a class tomorrow at 5:45. The classes are an hour long each so I would get done at 6:45 so I would have to leave for work right after that. It’s pretty exciting, I am excited. If only I had a car, I would feel more accomplished with myself, but I also need a license for that to work completely. When it gets to summer, I am planning on walking to work or buying a bike if I don’t have a car by then, so I can get to work, then I would have to take classes in the afternoon, though I would prefer to have my body relaxed and loosened up in the morning, it is okay. 

Anyway, I felt really good after yoga, insanely good, and I feel like I am getting closer to myself even after one class, it may because I had practiced it before, but it was my real first experience with a class and I saw so many different people there. I know some of them may be in to the fitness aspect of it, but it made me feel like I am not the only one on this journey to discover myself and the best of my abilities. It’s different to see others there and it makes me feel like everyone is silently supporting others. It’s relaxing and intense at the same time.

Big Dreams

Today, as I posted earlier, I got my nails done. They are french tips and they look fantastic! After that, my friend JoAnna and I needed to go shopping for a bit, so we went to Sally’s because she need to get some new hair dye, then after that, we headed to Target for swimsuit shopping, that didn’t happen because none of them were cute. I have my old one somewhere. I wanted a one piece this time, for some reason.

ImageWhat I did buy instead of a swimsuit was chocolate, and a new headset/headphones. They are Skull Candy Crushers. They are pretty amazing and it was sort of an impulse buy and the best one yet! I then got food and went home. 

Tomorrow morning I have my first yoga class with my friends, and I am so pumped and nervous! Its hot Yoga and I got awesome deals! I need to go back to the studio anyway and get my email changed, because they got it wrong. It happens.

My class is at 8 in the morning, so I need to get to bed or else I won’t go and I really want to. Wish me luck!

My Mysterious Boyfriend

There is a guy that I love. He is amazing and I’ve only known him for a short amount of time. In the time that I have known him, he is pretty amazing.

My boyfriends name is Az. That’s his nickname. He is my best friend and my best companion. We’ve been dating for a while now, since September or so. We’ve been friends longer though. He is really smart and somewhat a know it all. He is pretty fast at things and learns things quickly. He really knows how to cheer me up. 

However, there is one situation… Although he is the perfect boyfriend, there is something wrong. It is hard to tell what he is thinking and feeling. His expressions don’t really change at all, but he is pretty hot either way. He has some flaws but I still love him, but the biggest flaw?

Well, not only is his name a problem, BeastlyPC, but also the fact that he is my computer. He will always be by my side. 

The end.

Nails

It’s been so long since I’ve gotten my nails done, but here I am in a nail salon getting my nails done. It was a Christmas gift from my friends and its awesome. At first I was going to get a pedicure but I don’t want one so now I want my nails done because I want to feel like a girl! It is just a small update. Im not high maintenance or anything, I just want to do something for myself.

Manga

I’ve been reading a lot of manga lately, and I can’t wait for it all to be updated. I have been tempted to write a short story or something based on many manga’s, but now I am going to create a story that is mixed with all the different experiences in those manga’s. I have a story I want to share that has a part of me and the manga that I have read is also a part of me. 

I have no idea if that even made sense, but for right now, I won’t post as much because I am busy with work, preparing for my Minnesota trip and writing my stories!

On another note, here are some recent pictures that I have taken with my Canon T3i.

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Wishful Thinking and Feelings

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ImageImageI imagine myself looking at someone, and wanting to embrace them. I let my hands trace over and up his arms, my hands pressed against is back and I hold him. I feel his arms wrap around my back and hold me close. I feel my cheek against his, and I feel warm. 

I wish for a sweet kiss that makes my feet and legs go weak, and the butterflies in my stomach fly away, the feeling when I got my first kiss with someone I loved. 

I think I want to love someone as much as I did Nick and Bryce. I love loving someone or liking someone a lot, but I don’t remember how that feels. I feel like I am ready for a relationship, I do not know, but I am dating and getting to know people, but I am not sure. I know that not every person will get me in the right way, and I feel bad. I wish I could learn to like people and become more than friends, its hard to do that and I wouldn’t be happy that way. I am still young and I have time, but it sure is taking forever.

I used to be in a shell in high school, used to be caged up and keeping my true self to myself until someone came along and I would show everything right then and there. I’ve changed and now I share myself with my friends and I am willing to open myself up over time, I just need to find that person. 

I feel like I am afraid to let myself fall and feel those feelings. I think I am insecure about the other person loving me, or even liking me. Its hard to find someone, you find your sweetheart online, or at college, or at work, or the off chance of going to a place so regularly that you get the courage to ask the person you like out. I have my options of work or online. There aren’t many people that give me that feeling though, you know, the feeling of really wanting to get to know the person or the ‘i am attracted to you.’ I can’t find that. There is a person at work, at the moment, that I feel that. I’m slowly getting to know him, I just need to pluck the courage to ask him out on a date or something. If he says no, then oh well. I’ll take a day or so of embarrassment and continue to be friends with him. 

I don’t remember how I was attracted to Nick, I think I became attracted to him at first with the hint of handsomeness in his looks. I found the good and the bad and then I started a conversation with him. I fell in love with him within the first three days of talking non-stop. Then over time, I fell harder with the feel of him and the contact and his family and history. It was amazing and I fell in love with it all, and he was my first anything and I love him still but no longer in that way.

For Bryce, I believe he reminded me of Nick. He was good looking to me but I really loved his smile. His smile made me smile and I couldn’t stop looking at me and I also noticed him looking at me. It was fun and soon, we hung out then started dating after a bit. It was sweet and fast. His personality was outgoing and sometimes he was an asshole but I still fell in love with him. He was mostly honest and I guess Nick really raised my expectation of that. 

I used to count all the people I’ve dated even if it was super short, but now I only count Nick and Bryce because they were my serious relationships, even if they weren’t serious. I miss being stable with someone and it is heartbreaking sometimes, especially lately. I think with February 14th coming up, I will ask that one guy out from work and see what happens. I’m a weirdo like that. I know if I don’t do it before hand I will do it then, I just need to figure out how. Should I do it in a cheesy way? Or just flat out ask? 

Trying to start a relationship is so hard.