Monthly Archives: September 2013

Reading

The internet isn’t very good here, so I haven’t been on the computer much, to make things better, my cell phone doesn’t charge fast either. I’m fine with it, due I can’t contact people asap, but now I have time to write and read or do other more important things. I think this is a good thing.

The Night

A night with you, is a night that I longed for. 

A night with you, is my dream come true.

A night spent with you, is a night that I wasn’t alone.

That night I spent with you, was a night where I felt whole.

It was a night that I wish never ended.

It was a night that switched to morning.

That morning, I woke up alone and thought of you. 

I wish to wake up to one I love; cuddle in bed, stare at your sleeping face, and hear the words “Good Morning,” 

Because if I woke up with you, then it really is a good morning.

It would be a beautiful morning, next to a beautiful person. 

The beautiful person whom I think I love.

Or like, or am infatuated with.

Whatever the feeling.

The night with you and dreams of waking with you, is beautiful.

I would feel whole.

—————–

Okay, this might not make any sense, I was ranting a bit because of the night I had. It was amazing, and like I said, I wish it never ended. 

Today, I woke up alone. I used to never realize it, but today I just felt alone, lately I have been feeling like that. This week has been crazy, and sweet. A guy I have some sort of feelings for messages me and I hang out with some new people that I’d like to call my friends. I feel like this recent horrible plot twist that happened is turning out alright for me, because lets be honest, some of the things that stress me out right at the moment won’t matter in a few days, weeks, months, or years. Every day is different, and I am trying to change my perspective of how I view my life. 

I moved out of my trailer, and I like with a friend pretty much in the center of my town. I don’t need a car at the moment, so I’m good with walking, besides it’s healthy for me. I cleaned a lot today and I am unpacking slowly. I have to work tomorrow so I might go to bed early and then get up early to work out and wake up. I want to be healthy, so I am going to try. Junk food makes me happy for a short amount of time, but the results get me so down, I need to change. I may not like eating healthy at first but I am sure I will love it later on when I am used to it. 

I wanted to update my life and write a little bit before I get back to more cleaning and unpacking. 

Thanks for reading and sticking with me.

Over emotional

Ever get that feeling of too many emotions?  Lately, I’m like that a lot. I watched Katy Perry’s movie about her life and I almost cried of happiness, and sadness.  Today I feel like ike I want to cey of happiness for my friend who finally hears what shes wanted,  despite the circumstances . Then I just get these feelings of sadness out of nowhere. Wow, I’m pretty emotional lately. Happy one day, sad the next.  I dont know how to feel aboyt it, not yet at least.

Change

I had my reddish hair for a while, I don’t remember if it was before or after my ex and I broke up, but then I dyed my hair after another mess up with the same ex. I got an ambre but then I had a emotional situation with these others guys and I happened to get attached quickly but it all went down hill, so I dyed my hair blackish brown. I dont know what it does, I guess it makes me feel changed even just a little.

Dreams

A strange dream of mine is t9 meet a guy offline.  I wan to to get to know him and eventually fall in love with him over texting, instant messaging, skype, and all sorts of other ways. Eventually I wish to save up money and meet him, no matter how far away he is. I want to say ‘hello,’ and see his smile and feel his embrace. I think it would be nice if that happened.

Wrecking Ball

So, I can’t get enough of Miley’s song Wrecking Ball. Personally, I think it is amazing. The lyrics, it’s pretty true to heart and they speak to me. The video is strange, but that’s okay. It’s pretty emotional. 

Just to put my opinion out there, I think Miley is awesome just the way she is. Sure she’s made bad choices in life, but everyone does. I think everyone freaks out because she was a Disney star. Miley is beautiful and awesome to me, she is doing what she wants and being who she wants to be. She’s not listening to the criticism that’s coming her way, and she’s ignoring all the judgement.

On another note, I got a bunch of boxes from work, so I am going to pack at some point and possibly move in with a friend. It’ll be closer to work, and in town. This house is kind of painful lately. I want to get out, and I want to do things differently. 

I’m writing in a journal every night, It’s all my depressing thoughts, so no one should ever read it. I need to get my bad thoughts out somehow but I don’t want people to freak, and I don’t talk to people anymore either.

I’m becoming pretty secluded. I need, NEED, to figure myself out. I say I have, but since I am like this.. I obviously haven’t. I can’t deal with anything right now. It’s hard to push through work, I wish I could just take a few days or a week off and just focus on doing things that I love, and work on myself. I even told my friends that I can’t hang out like I used to. I get the happiest and saddest with any little thing. I am switching emotions like a flickering light. I don’t want that light to burn out so I need to stop letting it flicker. 

It’s all so depressing. I hate it. I don’t want to reach my breaking point. 

Working

Today was a crazy day at work. So much to do and so little time. Im sitting down for break right now and I ate too fast. And probably too much. I am at my managers house for thr week and its going to be amazing. I am watching her dogs while she is on vacation. She has no food in her house so I need to buy some for myself and her family I guess. Its time to get healthy. I ran pretty hard two days ago and my legs still hurt but I am going to go running again today.
Well, my break is now over.