Monthly Archives: July 2012

Good Early Morning

Ah, staying up late is always a summer dream. It’s also a reality for me! It’s almost 2:30 in the morning, and I need sleep. I have been busy procrastinating from things I want to do.

SUMMER PLANS: To-Do List

  1. Finish the Fifty Shade’s of Grey Trilogy.
  2. Make three notebooks full of Chinese, Korean, Japanese.
  3. Finish writing my novel and release chapters here.
  4. Build a larger and nicer enclosure for my baby Emlen.
    - I really like the word ‘enclosure’ instead of pen or cage. It sounds so… plain.

But, all of these things can’t be accomplished if I am too busy online watching my favorite shows; which happen’s to be a Japanese anime dubbed in English. It’s called Kodocha, or Kodomo No Omocha. It’s a wild show and very inspirational. One of these days I want to watch the series all over again and take note of all her(Misako-Sana’s mother) useful quotes!

This post is going to be pretty short and all, but that is because I am tired. The show can be a real tear-jerker if you can get into it! Seriously! There are a lot of episodes, I’m probably not even halfway through. So much drama too. Oh well.

Oh! By the way, I found some oh-so-cute smiley’s! Check them out! ≧◡≦ (─‿‿─) ≧ω≦  (◡‿◡✿) (✿◠‿◠) ⊙_☉ ⊙.☉.

“Here have some coffee, Paige… I think you are a little random… and tired!” She brings out a cup of her finest hot l_P and hands it to her.
“Awe! Thanks for the l_P! I love it! MMM.”

I’m random.

(っ◕‿◕)っ ♥ I love you all!

Thursday’s Adventures

Well, today my motivation spiked! I was headed into work only to find out that I was not scheduled. I facepalm to that fact. After I found out that I was not scheduled, I clocked out and left the store, then I decided to walk to the library. Today isn’t as hot as it was yesterday or the day before, so it’s a perfect time to just roam around and perhaps, I don’t know, do something I wanted to do.

And, now. I am sitting in the library and I just randomly starting talking to some random people that look vaguely familiar. It’s pretty awesome! I love when i find people that I can talk too. It’s amazing. Whenever I find people that are sort of like me, I can always be myself around them, even if i don’t know them. I just love that feeling of talking to someone and feeling like they have been my friend for a while.

Today, thursday adventures have yet to begin.

Love

My darkest days

are sharp in my mind.

Love in our eyes,

now faded in our hearts.

 

Intimacy strong in our hands,

feelings cringing beneath the surface

while the wheels of the car 

steer far from home.

 

Dreams of fingers entwined together,

lips parted and sighs exasperated.

The stars shine and the day seems brighter,

it is just a dream, right?

 

Memories of love and happiness,

shrouded in tears and scars.

Overflowing, non-stop.

Pain be gone, please.

 

I want to love like I loved before,

strong and hopeful, happy and exhilarating…

Now it’s scary and new, all over again.

Why does it have to feel this, suffocating.

 

This is all unreal, but the time is ticking by.

Not much left, I need you, want you.

Stay here, be with me. 

Commitment isn’t that hard now…

 

Impossible, though, it is.

Letting you go, far away,

never to see you again.

I have to do it, for us.

 

I love you.

Be happy.

Love someone,

like you loved me.

 

Cry for someone. 

Like you cried for me.

Hold onto someone,

like you’ve tried for me.

December Never Ends: Chapter Two

 

“We have a new addition to our class. Please let him introduce himself.” The teacher gestured for him to come in. When he walked in through the door, all the girls in the room straightened and eyed him. They were all undressing him with their eyes. I can’t blame them though, he was amazingly gorgeous! I looked at
Azura and gave her the ‘Oh-my-god-he-is-the-I’m-all-that-type-of-guy’ look. We laughed to ourselves.
“Hello, my name is Ian Cromwell. I’m 16. I’m from Helsinki in Finland.” He gently bowed his head and two girls behind me giggled.
“Ian, you can sit up next to Ms. Ellis.” He pointed in my direction and I blushed and looked at Azura. “December, stand up please.” Azura nudged me and I stood up, face flushing at all the girls looking at me with jealousy in their eyes. As soon as I saw Ian heading up here I sat down and looked at Azura. She shrugged and smiled a devil’s smile. He walked up and sat in the desk next to me.
“Hi.” He said.
“Uh… Hi… I’m December.” Damn it! I said the stupidest thing.
“Yeah, I know.” He chuckled and I felt my face heat up, I rested my head on my arms in defeat, Azura propped herself up on my shoulders blades.
“Hey! I’m Azura Pearson, December’s best friend and practically her sister! Be gentle with her!” She shook his hand and sat down laughing to herself. I heard both of them laugh, I just sat there embarrassed. Damn it Azura, making me feel even more embarrassed. I sighed. Ian, his name; it flows like a gentle stream across my lips. It’s wonderful. He is so handsome, so beautiful. I gazed at his face in my mind and I ended up lost.
My final bell rang; yesterday I emailed Azura that I can’t stay after school anymore due to hospital reasons. I can’t tell her about the other thing yet… she’ll be so upset, but I asked if I could stay today. I needed to do some homework, along with future tasks. Azura and I walked to her classroom then I wandered around the school waiting for her. I walked by a class and I saw Ian. Quickly, I twisted back behind the wall. I peaked at him in the classroom, no one noticed me. Ian had dark brown hair that swept across his slightly tanned face; his eyes were a shade of blue. The bell finally rang and everyone got up. I shook my head out of a trance and hurried to Azura’s classroom.
“Ah! School is out!” Azura sang out. I laughed and she looked at me. I shrugged. I need to think…
“Today has been amazing! Right?” Azura turned around; I already disappeared around the corner.
I walked down the hallway to go to the courtyard. I walked down the stairs slowly, gazing at the view. I sighed as the fresh snow landed on the ground. “So beautiful…” I whispered. I started to hum a lullaby my mother sang to me before she died. She died on my fifth birthday. The snow melted upon contact with my skin. I closed my eyes; becoming lost in the lullaby and snow.
“Aren’t you cold?” A voice called from behind me. I jumped around and I slipped on a patch of ice under the snow. I let out a small scream, but I didn’t hit the ground. I looked up to see Ian holding me.
“Uh… Thank you…” I blushed.
“No problem, just be careful okay?” He put me down, and smiled.
“About earlier, with Azura, I’m sor-” I coughed and collapsed to the ground. My chest hurts, my heart rate got up when he caught me. It hurts. I clenched my chest and cried. This is bad. It’s worse than last time.
“What’s wrong!?” There was desperation in his voice. He knelt by me and put his arm around me and picked me up.
“Hos… Hospital… Now…” I coughed up scarlet. This is getting bad. I need to see Dr. Leanne. Now! He nodded and sprinted towards the hospital.

The Hospital

“Doctor, will she be okay?” Ian sat next to me, fumbling with the buttons on his shirt.
“She will be fine; she just shouldn’t push herself much, or get her heart rate up.”
Dr. Leanne looked at me then the EKG. It was beeping normally. They were talking about me. I couldn’t hear them well; I kept fading in and out of consciousness. This situation is normal; lobes attached to my body. It’s not uncomfortable anymore, now that I am used to it. Metal electrodes are on my wrists, ankles, chest and back. I ended up here because of a crush. This sucks. I really like Ian, but I can’t… I shouldn’t like him. Not if I end up in the hospital for it.
Dr. Leanne noticed that my eyes were open. “December, you have some visitors.” She said softly. She turned around and told Ian and Azura something that I couldn’t hear. Shortly after she left; Azura looked at my worry filling her eyes to the brim, and Ian just stared.
“December, are you alright?” Ian broke the silence with a soft tone of voice, it was romantic. So sweet, like chocolate hearing that voice. I nodded, and glanced at Azura.
“December, why… Why didn’t you say anything about your heart rate!? If I knew…” She trailed off; I put my hand on hers.
“Azura, it’s not your fault.” Her worry overfilled in tears. She ran out of the room and I looked out the window, opposite of the doors, as the tears kissed my cheeks. Ian walked to my bedside and sat in the chair, erasing the tears from my face.
“December…” They way he said my name, so soft and quiet. “Why didn’t you tell her?” His eyes met mine. His emotions played across his face, they screamed in his eyes. He was worried, about me. He looked down, and his hair traced his eyes and cheeks.
His hair was straight and it touched right under the base of his head. I sat up and removed the breathing mask.
“I don’t say things because she wouldn’t treat me the same as she treats me. I want Azura to be herself, and be free.” I looked out the window; the snow kept falling silently to the ground. “My name, December, it’s the month of snow. I was born during the snowfall. Eventually, I will become like the snow; I will fall quietly, and no one will notice, I will meet the ground and call for help as I get packed with snow, then I will melt away.” I looked down at my hands; they were pale and cold, like me.
“December…” He began, his face was sad and it made me sad.
“The Visiting hours are now over.” The intercom shouted then faded.
“Ian… I most likely will be here all night, and probably not at school.” I looked at him, my eyes pleaded to him. “Tell Azura… Tell her that I need to talk to her. It’s important…” It was important; I needed to tell her about my living situation, after all, I don’t live in the hospital anymore. “My health has been good, so I have been allowed to leave the hospital. I live in a small house about a two blocks from here and two blocks from the school. I should have told her this the day it happened, but I couldn’t.”
“Okay, I’ll just tell her to see you here.” He gazed at me. What was he thinking? His eyes tell me that I am strong and weak at the same time.
“What are you thinking?” I blurted.
“What?” He was caught off guard, his face says so.
“Uh… nothing, Never mind.” I looked away, what was I saying? “Thank you for helping.”
“You’re welcome.” I heard a smile in his voice. He turned around and walked out the door, shutting it quietly behind him. I listened to his even footsteps down the hall until I couldn’t hear them anymore. When it was dead silent I got out of the bed and walked over to the window.
The snow drifted endlessly to the ground. It was so peaceful, but it could be so sad. Mother, Father… Can you see me? Can you see what is happening to me? I sense something different about Ian, and myself. When I met him, something in me changed. I am going to get permission from Dr. Leanne to go to Grandma’s. I need to talk to her and find out everything. Especially why I can remember anything from before you guys died. I don’t even remember what you look like. I just remember your lullaby. Nothing else, I know something happened. I will find out. I put my hand on the glass and stared into the grey night. I will find out.
I sighed and walked back to my bed and made myself comfortable. I looked out the window one last time; my hand print faded by I will keep my promise. I drifted into a sleep.
I woke up again, but this time I wasn’t in my body. I saw myself sleeping soundly in my bed. Is this a dream? It has to be. I heard some quiet footsteps from the hall and I quickly walked to the corner of the room waiting what happens. To my surprise Ian slipped into my room. He was at my side in a couple of seconds.
“December…” I felt the heat of his touch as he caressed my cheek. “I sense something different about you. You are not like any other human I have ever met, in sickness or not. You have something hidden inside of you, something I don’t think you realize yourself. I need to find out more… You might be the one I have been looking for…” He removed his hand and placed it on mine, he leaned into me. Is he going to kiss me? My heart slowly pumped up. He kissed my forehead, I felt his warm breath wash over my face and his lips press against the center of my forehead. He has soft lips; at least that is what I think. He sat there, by my side, the entire night. Right before dawn, he kissed my forehead once more and whispered “See you soon.” He left silently, like he was never there. I got sucked back into my mind and all that I saw, was darkness, a dreamless moment.
I woke up to a blurred light through the window. Dr. Leanne knocked on my door. So she is the one who woke me up.
“December? Are you up?”
“Is that you Dr. Leanne?”
“It’s time for checkups, and please call me Jenny. We have known each other for
years.” She laughed to herself as she stepped in the room. “December, your health is tip-top! I will admit you out of the hospital in a few minutes. Okay?” I nodded. She took down a few notes in her black book about my heart rate and blood pressure.
“Um… Dr… I mean, Jenny… I have a question.” She looked at me for a second and nodded for me to ask it. “Can I visit my grandparents?” I looked at her pleadingly. Her face was distressed; she looked like she was hiding something. I closed my eyes and looked at her with stern eyes. She hesitated from my gaze; she is afraid that I will read her?
“December… Your condition isn’t that well.” I cut her off.
“Visiting my grandparents will not harm my conditions. I need to see them. I want to get answers about my parents and life. I will do this with or without your help, but it would be easier with your help.” I looked at her straight on, with confidence brimming all around. “I’ll be fine, so please!” She sighed and looked away.
“Okay…” Yes! She gave in. I sat up in my bed. “I’ll let you go on one condition. You must call me before you leave, on the train and off the train. Also when you arrive at your grandmothers, and before you leave there. Okay?” She looked at me now.
“Can I text?” I giggled. She nodded and smiled.
“You can go now, okay? I’ll call the school” Jenny walked away. I looked out the window again. I have to go to school. I don’t want to really. Oh well.

School

I walked in during the middle of class, everyone was staring at me. I bet they didn’t expect me to show up, jerks. I came in the middle of math, my last class of the day. Why did I even bother to come?
“So glad you could join us, December. Take your seat.” They teacher was worried too; when he saw me walk in the room, he was relieved.
I walked up to my seat and when I sat down, Ian wasn’t here. I looked at Azura.
“I am so sorry about yesterday! Forgive me; I didn’t want you to worry!” There was a long silence between up. Azura looked at me. Stern face; I wonder what she was thinking.
“December,” She grabbed my hands. “I forgive you.” I smiled a huge smiled and we laughed. I was still somewhat worried of Ian, and I asked her about it. She said he never showed up; great…
“Everyone did amazing on the school tests; some have to make it up. Make ups are during next week. Now as all of you want to hear-“ Ian cut him off by opening the classroom door; the teacher looked at him, and as he was about to say something he stopped because of Ian.
“May I speak with you?” he asked. The teacher nodded, and then turned to all of us.
“I will be right back, I want you all to work on page 445 in your text books; numbers one through twenty-five.” When he left, we all looked around for a bit. I looked at Azura.
“Azura!” I sounded out her name in a song. “I have something important to tell you!” I laughed, excited to tell her.

“What, what, what!!” She repeated over and over with a huge smile on her face.
“I’m going to see my grandparents in Osaka! Jen, I mean, Dr. Leanne gave me permission to go.” I smiled and trotted around until Azura grabbed my shoulders and yelled.
“No fair! I want to go too! Can I please go! Please, please, please!” She begged.
I shook my head, “I’m sorry, you can’t… It’s a family thing. I want to do this for myself, maybe some other time…” I pleaded silently, for her not to beg me. I hate saying no to my best friend, but I have to do this. This is my family trip and besides… I am afraid of what I might find out about myself…
She sighed and mumbled words to herself, she even gave me the puppy dog eyes, I never gave in though. I stood with my arms crossed and a sympathetic look splattered on my face.
“Okay, okay, okay. I give up. You have fun, WITHOUT, me.” She sulked a bit, still trying to get my to give in, but in time she just slapped that smile across her face like normal. “December.”
Uh oh… “What?”
“You know what you have to do right?” She had a serious look on her face, and her aura felt very calm and stern. She rarely gets like this.
“What do I have to do?” What is she going to say…
“You have to have… FUN!” She yelled. “You can not just sit around and wait for everything to come around, you have to bounce out of your shell and push the limits. Smile, laugh, be happy. I know you are always thinking of something sad when you get lost in your own mind. Please, please, do not do that this time. When you are able to get sucked into your own world as easily as you do already, it will be worse when you are alone. Be happy, for me. Take pictures, draw, do something to keep your mind busy. I’m worried. I don’t want you all depressing. You are my best friend and I am not supposed to let you be depressed. You got that?” She lectured.
“Yes Ma’am!” I laughed.
We hugged and laughed at each other.
“What’s going on over here? You guys are making a racket.” A deep, intoxicating voice called from behind me. I twisted my body around to see him, Ian.
“Ian… Uh, I didn’t get a chance to tell you that-”
“Ian!! Thank you so~ much for bringing December here to the hospital! I was worried sick!” She smiled and I glared at her.
“What?”
“You cut me off!”
“Oops…”
“Like I was saying, thank you.”
“It’s no problem,” he smiled. His face was perfect when he smiled, but he would
probably be even more dashing if he showed his teeth. I can imagine it now… “I was just trying to help. I was kind of worried myself, if I may say.” He chuckled, and my face burned with passion.

Class End

“I’m off. I’ll see you guys soon.” I waved and headed down the stairs with a smile pasted on my face. I didn’t want to leave, but I did. I need to know, I’m not a little child anymore. I can handle the truth.
“Hey,” Ian grabbed my forearm, “where are you going?”
I smiled. “I’m going to my grandmothers.” I took the stairs two at a time.
Everything flew past my eyes, people gaping, and my hands flailing. Azura yelled and I screamed. My hair was covering my eyes and I couldn’t hear anything but my breathe and my heart beat. When my eyes were free, all I saw were the stair-steps, a few inches away from my face.
“December…” Sound broke through my ears, I heard mutters and some one talking close to me. “December?” My name… “December, are you alright?”
I turned to see Ian, concerned and apprehensive. I managed to nod, still shocked.
“I caught you just in time…” He swallowed and lifted me up, everyone’s eyes were on us.
“Yeah.”
“December!” Azura ran down next to me, practically jumping over the four sets of desks to get to me. She wrapped her arms around me and talked continuously.
“Are you okay? Did you get hurt? I saw you trip, oh I was shocked!” She just kept talking, I couldn’t help but begin laughing.
“What?” Her cheeks inflamed with anger and embarrassment.

“Azura,” I cupped her face in my hands and caught her gaze. “I’m just fine, so please. Stop talking.” I laughed, and she copied.
“Lets get you home.” Ian said, cradling me in his arms, Azura’s eyes widened and her mouth gaped in awe. Her eyes held mine and she told me mentally,
‘December! You are so lucky!’ She was squealing on the inside.
Even though Ian and I left the school building, I could still feel my classmates’ stares.
“Ian…” I cleared my throat. “Can you put me down? I think I am fine to walk on my own now…” My face reddened, not from the cold weather, but from my shyness, and embarrassment.
Ian looked me in the eye, I now noticed how beautiful his eyes were. With his brown hair, his eyes popped beautifully. They were a deep blue, almost black, like the sky turning dark. Throughout his eyes, were two shades lighter of blue, stringed like nets. Close to the pupil, an icy crystal blue, almost white like glaciers, shot out, creating tears in the nets.
His eyes were so beautiful, I wanted to get lost in them. I found myself reaching out to touch his face, I pulled back embarrassed, my face red like bloomed roses.
He started laughing, “I won’t put you down. Just tell me where your house is.”
I sighed and went along with it, seeing that I wouldn’t be able to stand anyway.
“Take a right, left, and go down the alley, and it is the first house in the last block.”
“Is this is?” We stopped in front of a medium-sized, wooden house, fit for a small family.
“This is it.” The house plate read 29. The last house on this block. “You can put me down now.” His hand was placed right next to my butt, it was embarrassing.
Even though I know he was holding my skirt up, but still! My face reddened with each thought.
“I’m not putting you down.” He walked in my house, unlocked since I just got it a couple of days ago, provided by the hospital. We walked into the only bedroom there with a sign on it.
My house; two bedroom, one bath, kitchen, living room. One room is mine, and another is just there.
Ian walked into my bedroom and sat down at my desk, with me in his lap. I shifted uncomfortably. Why was he doing this… It’s not that I don’t dislike it, it’s just new, and weird. My face was a bright red, so I covered his eyes and shifted comfortably so I was basically straddling him. I whispered in his ear an apology.
“It’s okay.” He chuckled. My head sunk to his shoulder and my arms slumped to my sides.
I could feel his steady, deep breaths on my neck, intoxicating like his voice, eyes, scent. His chest falling with each breath out, rising with each breath in. It set me in a trance, which broke when he set his hands on my hips. I lifted my head up and looked at him in the eye. We were on a level together. I felt like I could have known him forever, I felt like he has been looking for me. I feel something else though, like a secret, hidden beneath his chest.
I looked away, breaking our connection, refusing his search in my eyes.
“I’m sorry…”
I got to my closet and started packing clothing for my trip, as my hair fell over my face, I peaked at him through the strands. He was sitting in the chair, still, and his eyes were shut. He looked like he was sleeping. I sighed and dragged it to my dresser and picked out some other necessities. I sat on my heels and a yawn fell over me. I stretched back and rubbed my eyes, all of a sudden, I felt heat around me. I looked and saw Ian hunched over me, wrapping his arms around my waist. His sensational breath lingered by my ear.
“You need some sleep.” He breathed.
I shivered underneath him and I felt him smile and laugh a little. Why is he always laughing at me. I heard him mumble something, it sounded like cute… I blushed.
“I don’t need any sleep.” I looked over my shoulder and out noses touched. I swallowed, nervous.
He smiled a wicked smile and picked me up, and tossed me over his shoulder.
“You’re going to get some sleep, little girl.” He brought me to my bed and let me fall onto my mattress. Before I knew it, he crawled in next to me and covered us with the blanket.
“Whoa! What the hell are you doing?” My face was red, and I was a bit angry. I just couldn’t reject him though. Something about him…
“You need some sleep, and to make sure you do, I will be here. Plus it’s going to get cold tonight and this flimsy blanket won’t warm you up.” He thought of something, and laughed but didn’t say it. He’s a pervert…
I sighed and gave in. “Fine, whatever.” I cuddled into his back. I was really happy, I’ve never been this close with someone before, and I think I may be falling for him… Ian, there is something about him that makes me think, makes me feel like… I can take the pain of my heart racing. I can take the pain of love, if it’s him. As long as he is by my side, I can breathe through my troubles.
Without deep breaths in sync, I drifted to a dreamland with no pain, and no such thing as loneliness.

 

December Never Ends: Chapter One

I sat in the window stared at the falling snow, without you… it’s like there’s nothing here. I looked down at the journal that was on the coffee table in front of me. Ian Cromwell was scrawled on the cover. Your journal is all that is left.
“I have decided, Ian. I will live on for you, my one and only love.” I mumbled to the journal. “I will never forget you.” I cried silent tears as the wind blew my window open; snow came gliding in.

One Year Later

It was another snowy, December day, closing in on my birthday, it’s been close to two years since I have been alone, I’m okay though. There was a knock on the door. Today is Sunday, who would want me…? Some mercenaries coming to preach about the Lord? I got a robe on and grabbed my cup of tea. I opened the door.
The glass in my hand slipped and shattered upon impact. Ian… Ian was in front of me. How? I… I was sure he was dead. I whispered his name and threw my arms around his neck. He pressed his face against my hair as he pulled me in tight.

Two years ago

“Okay students; practice the equations on the board on a half sheet of paper. I expect these to be turned in at the end of class before you leave. Today!” The teacher instructed.
“Ugh” I mumbled, lost in my thoughts. I couldn’t concentrate when I knew nothing.

“December?” I looked over to see Azura slouched at my level making her unusual face of worry. I sighed and threw my head back. Everyone in this stupid class knows what they’re doing, except for me. If only I wasn’t sick as much, I wouldn’t have to make my one and only friend, near sister, worry about me.
“It’s nothing.” I lied.
She stared at me. Her stern, serious face appeared when she found out about my little white lie I pulled. “December…”
“…” I kept silent and I didn’t even bother to meet her glance, it was too scary…
“You haven’t done a single problem from the board. Is there something I should know about?” She took my paper and looked at nothing but my name. “What’s going on?”
I sighed and glanced at her. “I don’t get anything. I am never here, and I can’t understand a single thing. I am so stupid!” I looked at Azura, her face is more saddened, but before she could say anything an idea popped into my head. “I know!” I clasped my hands together with hers. “You can teach me! Azura, will you teach me the things I haven’t learned due to my absence?”
Her face stayed still for a while, and then slowly her cheeks were pinched by a pink blush. A smile spread across both our faces and we laughed together. “Sure, I’ll teach you.” She hugged me.
Oh Azura, so nice, so lovely; her blond hair barely brushed against her shoulders, her bangs flowed against her forehead. Her brown eyes shined towards me. What would I do without her? She has so many personalities… I guess that’s her anyway. I laughed to myself. She looked up at me and I stopped laughing. Oh crap! I didn’t listen to a thing she said…
“Do you get it now?” She asked.
“Um… Sorry, Azu… I wasn’t listening. Can you repeat that?” I looked away. She glared at me, and took a deep breath.
“It can’t be helped. Okay, listen closely this time. Got it? I won’t repeat it again!” She ruffled my hair.
“Okay! Okay! I’ll listen, don’t mess up my hair!!” I yelled and laughed at the same time. This is what I loved. A friend I could always count on.
After the teaching session with her she walked down the steps two at a time and handed in the assignment with a smile of accomplishment, like always. I laugh at how carefree she is.

“Here you go.” I hand my assignment after her and walked towards the door, but I find myself not moving. Looking back I see the teacher, who grasped my arm.
“December…” He looked at me with sorrow, pity. I didn’t need this. “How are you? Are you getting better?” I sighed.
“I am fine, if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be here, now would I?” I yanked out of his hold and walked out the door, I could feel his eyes on me.
“What did the teacher want?” Azura glided to my side.
“It’s the same thing all the time. They are worried about me. I told him ‘I’m fine, if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be here.’ Seriously, why do they have to worry so much?
Ugh.” I groaned. They are all so annoying. I gazed out the window. Azura was saying something, but I couldn’t hear her, until she yelled at me for almost walking into a pole.
“What are you doing?” She mumbled and shook her head.
“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention…” I looked away. She’s angry… I fumbled with my hair, waiting for her reply.
She let out a loud sigh. “Its fine, just watch where you are going, you are making me worry.”
“I’m sorry.” Azura looked at me and I glanced back. She started laughing. “What is it?” My face flushed, was she laughing at me?
“Oh, nothing! You are just so cute!” She hugged me and laughed.
We walked down the stairs laughing; we ended up in the courtyard. We sat on the bench; I look up to see the beginning of snowfall.
“It’s snowing.”
“It’s beautiful.”
“Yeah.” I smiled and closed my eyes, feeling the snow melt on my cheeks.
“December, here.” She handed me a coat.
“Oh thanks…” I looked at the size, a medium. “Azu, this is too big.”
“Just wear it, you will grow into it.” She giggled. “You are so tiny.”
I laughed. “Hey! Don’t make fun of me.” I put the coat on, it smelled like her, and it was warm, very warm. “Thank you.” I laughed.
“Let’s go back.” Azura said. I nodded and she offered her hand.
“Ha-ha.” I smiled and pulled her down with me. “Oops.”
She laughed and pulled me up with her.
I glanced at Azura. She looked so happy… Should I tell her?
“Azura… You know my situation with living in the hospital? Well, I have been getting healthier and I…” The bell rang.
“Crap! December! I am sorry, I have to go or I will get detention, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She ran off to her extra class, I usually wait for her, but I can’t today. I have to go home.

Operation Change

 

The prey

37
Female
Mother of 2
Divorced
Julie

The predator:

17
Daughter
Mother: Julie
Single
Paige

The procedure:

  • Hide behind couch.
  • Crawl to the wall and flatten yourself against it.
  • Eye your target and make sure their attention is directed at something else.
  • Peek at every possible view.
  • Stay out of view and keep stealthy.
  • When target is not looking, creep around corner and past the fridge, make no quick or large movements.
  • Keep low to ground, chances are the targets eyes are not focused at that level.
  • Position yourself so you can gain easy access to your targets area.
  • Wait for the right moment.
  • Strike.

The plan:

*PLAN A: Scare at couch

Action Log #1

I planned to stay silent and wait behind the large couch she often relaxes at. She was on the porch for a break when my plan took action. I stationed myself behind the couch to wait for her return, it took longer than expected. She finally entered the house and my plan started to tick by. She entered the kitchen, natural territory… There she proceeded to empty the dishwasher, I figured she wouldn’t come to the couch to sit down so I came up with another plan.

*PLAN B: Scare over Counter

Action Log #2

PLAN A has failed. I have decided on a new plan. PLAN B. Mother has been quite busy in the kitchen, I have set my plan to creeping my way over their and surprise her by staring at her from over the counter. I creep out from behind the couch, keeping my eye on her, and stopping when her line of sight could catch my movement. I crawl on all fours to station myself underneath the counter. I grasp the edge of the counter and let only my eyes peer over; I stare, but I stay unnoticed. PLAN B has failed once again. At that very moment, however, I thought up a new plan.

*PLAN C: Scare in Kitchen-grab ankle

Action Log #3

I stand behind the wall, next to the counter where PLAN B has failed. I peek at the prey at ever angle. I stay still and listen for ever opportunity. ALERT! ALERT! She is putting away silverware, keep calm, don’t move. She has finally moved. I make my way to peek around the corner. She is now filling the dish washer. I wait patiently, snickering at my thoughts of showing her sweet revenge that she can never throw on me.
The sink is now running. Her attention is fully on the sink and rinsing the Coca-Cola cans out. I make my move now, I creep slowly and lightly, I stay against the wall and eye her. She isn’t looking, I mover quicker to hide beneath the counter. She’s walking. I realize that PLAN C will fail, so at the last-minute I come up with PLAN D.

*PLAN D: Scare in Kitchen-scream

Action Log #4

This will be my final log, the time is up. She is walking to do something else, before she see’s me I must do it now. I scream at her, and that is how I attack my unsuspecting prey.

OPERATION CHANGE: COMPLETE

 

Online Shopping

Online shopping and why it is bad… for me.

You know how your usual day starts off right? You do your own things, and sometimes that’s getting on the computer and checking everything that is in your bookmarks bar on your Google Chrome browser. That’s what I do at least… I have the usual Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, WordPress… Etcetera, Etcetera. Well, I have recently added something new, it is sort of like pin-interest(which I now have), and it is called Wanelo. It stands for Want Need Love, (by the way, I just figured this out.) pretty cool right? Anyway, there are a lot of things you can favorite or save, and buy later or just look at it…

Well, I use it a lot when I am bored from Facebook and YouTube, so I find myself glued to clicking save and the next buttons on the screen. I see all of these cute clothing and accessories and I find myself wanting more of it, and owning it. But in reality… I see these:

ImageImageImage

Yes, all I see are pictures. Look deeper.

These people look beautifully amazing in what they are wearing; the item of clothing(s) that I find impossibly cute and I would spend money on. When I see these, I want to buy the clothing because they look good in them, and that makes me feel that I will look good in those clothes as well, but that isn’t true-always. Furthermore, that is the reason I am writing this. I just realized this, so I decided to write about it while it is fresh on my mind, no matter how late it is into the night, I needed to get this out…

Anyway…

There are bad things about the factor of liking something that someone looks amazing in just because I think it will make me look amazing as well:

1.) Spend money on things that might not go with my style/personality/looks/body build.
2.) Could be a waste of money if you don’t wear it anyway(seeing as I am lazy, that might me the case)
3.) Feeling uncomfortable in the clothing.

To that third point, no one should ever wear something that makes them uncomfortable. That feeling with last for the entire time you wear it-obviously. The other day(Monday) I wore these cute jeans, and I was comfortable until my boss pointed out that I had a huge hole by the back pocket, which showed my nice white underwear! It was pretty embarrassing, but since I have had worse things happen to me, I didn’t worry about it. Plus I had a nice black tank top to cover it up! Anyway, I was uncomfortable the whole time since I found that out; I became more aware of the hole and the feeling that my coworkers are laughing at me… It was horrible.

Okay, back to the title: Online Shopping.

I love it, it’s easy but bad for me… Kind of like candy. Easy to get, horrible for my cavity.

Too Much

ImageI ate too much! My stomach hurts. Or did I eat too fast? Couldn’t that be the problem too?

It’s really cold in my room, I’m wrapped up in my blanket writing this, I have to take out the neighbors dog soon. She’s dying, it’s sad. 

Anyway, I took out the bed frame under my bed, so now I sleep on the ‘floor’. It’s pretty nice, I like it a lot, I made my bed into a day type thing too. Ha-ha. It works sometimes. I earned money Friday, and I think I wasted my money on a phone… Not good, but we will see. I bought a pretty cute necklace that has the words “You know my name, not my story.” On it. I love that thing, I can’t wait to get it in the mail. I went shopping at Wal-mart with my mom, and I also gave her 30 bucks for gas money. Haha, that is where all my money went. I really need to save money, not spend it, but it is kind of hard when I somehow always end up running out of things. 

I need to go take out the dog now, and then I think I will read or write. I’m not quite sure yet. 

Oh! my eyes are so pretty!ImageImage

In This Life

Maybe in this life,
it’s too much to bear.
I can’t ever be your wife,
nor can I ever feel your stare.

Your so far away now,
there is nothing let here.
And to our love, I take a bow,
and no longer shall I shed a tear.

I will look forward and onto new days,
These lonely hours will pass me by.
This heartbreak is just another phase,
compared to all the heartfelt sighs….

You had me at that silly word, hi.
You had me at your bright blue eyes and your amazing smile.
You kept your promise of not a single lie,
I just wish you could stay by my side for a while.

I love you and always have and will.
But, now I must look forward and move on,
I now face a great climb over that frightening hill…
But looking at it now, it might not take and eon.

Fall

I want to fall in love.

Unlock these rusted chains and set me free.

Let me soar and fly up above.

Let me rest on Cloud Nine; carefree.

 

Memories drag me back down,

plummiting to the Earth

A dark, twisted, painful shutdown.

The wish haunting and screaming: rebirth.

 

Love or lust.

Whatever it may be.

I want the difference: it’s a must.

It’s like my heart no longer has its’ key.

 

Shrouded in dark paths of pain,

Sadness creeping from the corners of my eyes.

I want to smile and have the strength come down in rain.

It’s truth I think about, even though I tell myself these lies. 

 

I don’t know if I should fall…

I’m not sure what I should do anymore.

Love is a painful, dreadful game to recall.

If I do this, I’ll drown and wash ashore.