Sunday, Monday, Tuesday…

The days blend together like coffee and creamer. They seem to create one long line of my lifespan in which nothing new happens. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Monday though Friday, the same old routine. Wake up later than I should, get to work, work, get off of work and come home. On occasion, I will have a photo shoot to attend to, its rare though. Life has been a mess lately, I feel left out of a lot of things because of my own choices that are the correct ones, I know for a fact. Even though it makes me upset, somewhere in my mind, I don’t care at all.

I’ve learned that I am over-excitable when I am meshed with photography. I get geeky and weird when I notice that I take an amazing photo or that an unexpected photo turns out to be awesome! I get too excited for my own good and I feel like I scare people away. I also adore writing more and more, this post at the moment is written after I wrote another one since WordPress updated and doesn’t automatically save. I lost my words and decided to put it to rest for a day. I was going to write an apology for not being as active, I have been underwater for a while. I discovered that my love of writing/typing exceeded my expectations when I started writing this post. My train of thought blew up when I noticed the blank spaces and I just grabbed onto the fleeting inspiration and started to type about it. This probably doesn’t make very much sense.

I just want to say, that today is a very beautiful day, even though inside of my mind and heart a rain storm was taking place, my physical body was in bliss with the warm sunshine and the gentle breeze in the warm air. The day went by rather slowly and I began to hate myself more and more every few moments. I had a conversation with myself about what I didn’t like, it was more of an argument than a conversation. She would say something that would provoke me to yell inwardly towards her. It was sort of ridiculous, but that is how I try to get myself out of a stump.

I fell over a stump a few days ago and I’ve sunk under the fallen leaves of my happiness. Its been this way for a couple days, how covered I am. I need to focus on things that I love, when I am writing, I feel happy and at bliss. I can properly convey my feelings and thoughts, even though they still get jumbled up. I can’t properly talk, and all I do it spit out words. I am not allowed to think when I speak, I can’t remember exactly what I say, which is why writing is perfect for me. I can remember easier and it makes me feel like I am worth something more and that is a happy feeling. Its just like photography, I am doing something that I love, and it makes me feel like I am someone and that I exist.

I am currently writing many stories all at once, I am figuring out chapter seven of B.O.Y. since I am writing it as I go. It’s hard, I am already at a stump, I don’t want to put too little action and leave it boring, but I also don’t want to shorten the length of this story. I still don’t know where this is going to end up, but I have a shoujo idea in my head. I have too many ideas to comprehend and I need to write them all down before they fade away.

So I went to Wisconsin for the fourth of July weekend, and absolutely loved it. I adored returning home and experiencing the differences in then and now. I was reunited with my childhood friend, Emi. And that was like a scene from a book. In less than two weeks, I am going to Idaho again, to see my grandparents, and I am super excited! I can’t wait to see Idaho and where they live. I feel like going to these two places are going to be my deciding factors of where I am going to be living. I want to move out of Iowa and get a bigger picture. The inspiration is draining here and I feel like I have been here for too long. I am an adult now, and I want to fulfill my dream of experiencing the world. It is going to take a while but I am willing to try.

I have a lot of amazing pictures of my Wisconsin trip, check them out here!

It’s you

Your imperfections don’t matter to me, because I love you… for you.
That crooked smile? It’s quite charming.
Your laugh, which makes you throw your head back, its cute.
The way you talk with your hands, and throw them around in strange gestures, to me it is enthusiastic and adorable.
When you avoid eye contact when saying your feelings, it makes my heart warm and I love that.
The wrinkles at your eyes, when you smile, makes me want to caress your cheeks and meet your lips.
Your imperfections are more than one, and that’s beautiful to me.
You are beautiful to me, and I love you.
I love you for you, and your perfect imperfections make you… you.

I’ve been working a lot, and just recently, I went to Wisconsin and got back in contact with my childhood friend Emily. I got some amazing photos of fireworks and I even got some great architecture photos of downtown Milwaukee. When I got back, I’ve been doing a bunch of other things. I’ve been focusing on my camera and editing skills. I just had a photo shoot of my friend and her boyfriend. It was my first couple shoot’ and it turned out great. I got a lot of awesome photos and I still have more to edit and upload tonight.
Go check it out here!
I have a photoshoot on Sunday of my coworker and her child and I am trying to get more people to do it. I have yet to hear back from two people and I lost the number to another. I can apparently try to get hired at a photo studio in target or something. I’ll try that.

States Away

In a few states away, my grandmother was admitted into the hospital, her illness is yet to be determined, but I am worried. One reason: I was supposed to visit this week (June 21 through the 27) but I was unable to afford it on such short notice and so I moved it to late July/early August. Her health is not very well and my family and friends that I’ve told are worried. We hope that she will get better. 

This is just a short update, other writing of mine will be release this coming week.

Because Of You: Chapter Six

The classes went by steadily. I only have the first period with both Gavin and Irisa, and the rest are by myself. Gavin has yet to say anything about my hair, and I am curious to know how he recognized me. I sat at my desk as the teacher lectured. The note Gavin gave me weighed down my pocket and I couldn’t get his attitude out of my head. I dug through my desk quietly and brought out my calendar. I stared at the picture I drew of him and grabbed the paper. I unfolded it neatly and placed it next to the drawing.

Gavin Holm

“So his name is Holm.” I thought back to the group of guys calling him an illegitimate child. I want to know if that is true, and I want to know his actual working situation. I thought and thought about his situation until my name was called.

“Nerine.” The teacher smacked my table with his ruler.

“Yes!” I stood up.

“What are you spacing off for? Are you okay?” He blabbed on about the lecture and told me to go to the hallway. I grabbed the slip of paper and walked into the hall and sat down.

“I guess this is my punishment.” I grabbed my phone and typed in Gavin’s number and saved it. I didn’t feel like messaging him. Right as I put my phone away, I heard footsteps down the hall.

“Nerine?” I looked down the hall, and Irisa was walking toward me with a hall pass. “What did you do?” She stood out of view from the door.

“I was spacing off and staring at the number I got from him.” I made a face and she knew exactly who I was talking about. I showed her the slip of paper and she told me that his handwriting was attractive.

“How is it attractive!?” I laughed and the teacher banged on the door. She quickly ran off and I walked into the classroom.

“Sit down, pay attention this time.” He declared. I nodded and took my seat.

The lunch bell rang and I got a message from Irisa about the meeting for lunch. My thoughts clashed in my head since I was supposed to go have lunch with Gavin as well. I decided to lean toward Irisa, I made plans with her first and I wanted to talk with her about this situation. I walked out of the classroom and turned the corner only to run into Gavin.

“I was coming to get you, my short-haired princess.” He smirked and messed with my wig gently.  “Come with me.” He pulled me down the hallway and into the park, the place we were heading to was the location on Irisa’s message. A few feet away I saw her sitting down on a checkered blanket with lunch boxes from the cafeteria.

“Welcome to my picnic party!” She laughed and spread her arms out. “Nerine, I invited Gavin, hope you don’t mind. I saw him walking towards your room and told him to get you.”

I sighed in relief. “It’s fine, I was going to eat lunch with you anyway even though this guy invited me too.”

“Well, you see. She came up to me after first class and talked to me about lunch since she over heard me telling you to come with me. I figured it is a win-win situation since I know no one else.” He laughed and sat down.

Irisa, Gavin, and I talked about the weekend and the summer plans coming up in a month or so. I start listening to Irisa talk about her family’s summer home and she actually invited me and Gavin to join her. Gavin said he would ask his work and I told her that I would ask my parents.

“So, Gavin, why did you transfer here?” Irisa questioned. I felt very awkward since I wanted to know but was afraid to ask about his situation, especially since I over heard people talking about it.

“Well, my father moved nearby and this school was the closest. I don’t live with him though. He is too much of a hard ass.” He scarfed down the rest of his food. “As if you haven’t heard the rumors, I am the heir to Holm industries but I don’t want to be. My dad is infuriated though, so I decided to move out.”

Most of my questions were answered but I decided not further the ‘interview’ with him. Gavin glanced over at me. He pointed at my head and changed the topic 180 degrees into my direction.

“Why are you wearing a wi-” I slammed my hands over his mouth.

“You are speaking too loud!” I said and he nodded, so I released him. I blurted out vague reasons and Irisa stared at me in disbelief.

“So, this is what you didn’t tell me at the club? I knew there was something off about your ‘height complex’ and since you didn’t really explain anymore details. Irisa gave him the same stare.

“You already knew some things?” She looked at him.

“You didn’t?” He laughed.

I blocked off their conversation with a probing question of my own. “Gavin! Why did you tell me you worked night-time at the club and what did you do during the day, and do you pay for your apartment? Or does your dad do it?” I spoke too fast for my own good and only stopped when he cleared his throat.

“1. I used to have a private tutor when I was younger so I already know the majority of the stuff they teach at this school. 2. I left my father’s house before he moved here and I have been living here for 2 1/2 years now above the club that I work at. I manage the night shifts. 3. I used to sell things during the day. 4. The club I work for gives me free food and living in exchange for me to work there. It is somewhat of a win-win situation again.” He sighed. “Did I expose too much?”

Irisa and I shook our heads and laughed at how open he is.

“Master Holm.” A butler appeared from behind him and grabbed Gavin’s arm. “Your father awaits your decision, you have been running for too long.”


Every sense in my body is for you. Every sense is used for you, and I cherish every bit of information I receive from my senses.

My Sight

I see you, here in front of me. I look at you, who is looking at me. Our eyes share a connection and no one else is in this moment. My eyes hold your gaze as we share secret conversations. My eyes expose my emotions, I look at you with sweet feelings of love and caring emotions. Hopefully, when you look into my eyes, you sense those feelings of longing and how I wish to be with you.

My Smell

I smell your must, your cologne, your sweat. I call it sexy, seductive, and somehow sweet. I can smell the things that make you, you. The faint smell of tobacco, the scent of sweat mixed with body wash and cologne. I can tell its you, and I breathe you in because it is so sweet and calming because you are this close to me.

My Hearing

Your voice, deep and strong. It swirls in my head as you tell me about yourself. You breathing is deep and relaxing, I match mine with yours. I hear you shuffling around while we sit facing each other. I hear my own thoughts about you and think about voicing them for our conversation. I don’t though. My ears wouldn’t be able to block your sweet voice’s response.

My Touch

I feel your words resonating through me as I lay my head on your chest. I feel your skin and your hair. You are right here. Your words hit home and I feel set aloft in this moment. You are here, caressing my skin and I can feel your touch, your callouses brushing against my arms and shoulders. I put my hands on your arms and feel your skin, I know that you are here in this moment, but I can feel that you are gently pushing me away, because you say you have to go.

My Taste

I can taste your lips against mine, its sweet. As we talk, I can taste the bitter thoughts in the back of my mouth. I swallow my thoughts and whisper other sweet words that tasted tart. You open your car door and the dull taste fills my mouth and I want to tell you not to leave, but you’d say that you have to and I don’t want to say my emotions. I kiss you once more, and the last thing that is left in my mouth is the sad taste of you leaving me here.

Because Of You: Chapter Five

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four

Previous Chapter: here

His words squeezed my chest and my breath caught in my throat. I jumped out of his arms and straight into Irisa.

“Whose this?” He looked at Irisa.

“I’m Irisa, and you must be him.” She smiled wide and he glanced between her and I.

“You’ve talked about me?” He smirked at me.

I avoided his eyes and bowed to him. “Thank you for catching me. I have to go!” I grabbed Irisa’s hand and ran off in the other direction.

“Nerine!” She pulled back. “Nerine, stop!”

“What?” I was out of breath from running, Irisa and I looked around and we found ourselves at a small park. We walked over to the bench and sat down. My body was tingling and my stomach was filled with butterflies.

“What was that all about!?” She freaked out. Irisa’s words almost slurred together as she spoke to fast to understand. I put my hand up in front of her face.

“Irisa, stop.” I sighed.

“Nerine! Is this the guy you put mascara on for? I saw the way you looked at him. I can see why you have changed your looks.” She nodded to my beautiful face that she helped create. “Tell me about him. I want to know what you see in him, where you met him and what not.” She looked at me with earnest eyes, and before I could mutter anything she rested her hands on my shoulders. “Nerine, I just want to let you know, you are a good friend and we’ve become close in a small amount of time and I am glad for that, now tell me your story, I won’t judge.”

I am not too sure why she told me that, but it made me feel a little better. I grabbed my small purse and pulled out my notes that I wrote last night. “I don’t know if this is too big of a jump into my life for you, but here is pretty much what I was going to tell you.” The notes had my life written on the pages, and as Irisa read, she seemed more and more intrigued.

“Nerine, you need to meet Gavin more.”

“What!” I pushed her back unintentionally. “I can’t!”

“Yes, you can. You need to experience this thing that is called ‘love at first sight’ since you haven’t experienced anything else before.” She folded her arms and dangled the spitting image of Gavin in pencil.

“I-I can’t… Gavin… He is too old for me! He is most definitely out of high school and over the legal age of any sort of consent.” I mumbled, and thought back to the night club situation. Thinking more on it, I don’t know for sure how old he is or anything, I don’t know if he actually works there, but he pulled me into the back room… My thoughts ran wild and I could barely focus on Irisa’s voice in the background. Her voice faded into nothing but my own thoughts.

“Nerine.” The sweet sound of my name snapped me out of my day dreaming state and my head whipped to the seat where Irisa once sat. I looked around and she was smiling at me and walking out of the park, leaving me alone with Gavin.

“She told me to tell you that she has to go home for errands.” His smirk tells me otherwise. “Is your wrist okay?” He automatically reached for my wrist and examined it. I felt dumbfounded by his sudden appearance.

“It’s feeling better.” I clear my throat a few times, the butterflies are suffocating me. “Aren’t you working at the club today?”

“No, that is a night shift deal. During the day, we rent it out to catering around the city since it is a high-end establishment.”

“I see. How long have you been there?” I am feeling a bit more comfortable around him, and I am starting to accept being ditched by my only female friend.

“A couple of years.” He told me the story about his connections, and his story seemed a bit off but I nodded along. We sat at the park for a couple of hours, talking and getting to know each other. My alarm on my phone goes off and my mother set a reminder to go shopping before she gets home. Gavin and I go our separate ways. I gather the ingredients and pass by some shops that classmates go to. A few of the guys I hang out with were hanging around. I almost went up to talk to them, but the wind blew my hair out in front of me and it all came back to me, I am a girl… So instead, I walk to a booth nearby and eavesdrop. They were chatting about a new transfer student that will take away all the competition.

“It’s H Industries heir that is transferring.”

“Are you serious!? That’s one of the top companies in our city… Why to such a crappy school.”

“I don’t know but we gotta find out the juicy details… I’ve heard a bunch of rumors about him being an illegitimate child…”

Their words trailed off as my phone rang in my pocket.

“Hello?” My mother questioned my whereabouts on the other line. “In five minutes.” I slammed my phone shut before she could argue and I head home, still thinking about the rumor of a rich kid dropping in. I get home, race to my room like always and write about my day.

At school, I rubbed my eyes as Irisa greeted me and sat down. The teacher stormed in with and irritated look on his face. I barely paid attention to his words until a handsome figure walked in. A name was muttered that I didn’t hear. The teacher directed to sit in my row and when I got a good look at him, I was shocked.


“Yes dear.” He smirked. “Did you assume I was older than 21? I definitely knew you weren’t with one glance.” With that comment my face flushed.

“Sit with me at lunch.” He handed me a note with his name and number.

“If I say no?”

“It’s not an option.”

I feel like I have accomplished a lot of things today, I did stand up to someone who has been pushing my buttons and has been getting under my skin, of course that person denied doing anything to outcast me in any way. She later apologized to me for any actions that made me think that way. Work was pretty busy, it was memorial day weekend so everyone assumed that we were going to get wiped-out. I however, didn’t know what to expect, I have sadly been slacking a little bit the last few weeks, and it is sad to hear that from myself, but it is true. I am using this week to switch it around and I will successfully switch it around. I got a lot done today, I still have a lot to do tomorrow to attempt to get ahead of the game, but it won’t be as bad as it was today.

I just finished the book, The Fault In Our Stars by John Green and it was pretty unexpectedly intense. I cried a lot, let me tell you. I love books that bring so much emotion out of me. The other books that have done that were Memoirs of a Geisha Arthur Golden, White Oleander by Janet Fitch, and Allegiant by Veronica Roth. I love the books that make me cry or laugh or just plain feel emotion. 

I am actually proud of myself today, yeah I didn’t do a lot of the things that I wanted to do, but I did finish a book, and I didn’t spend the majority of my life off of work on the internet. I did talk to someone that I have wanted to talk to for a while, Skype preferably! We chatted for while and it is great, it made me pretty happy. I’m pretty sure that person doesn’t know how happy it makes me.

Thats all I can really think up right at the moment, my brain is sizzling out.